Shadows of Love
by whitemiracle
Summary: A story about Lily Evans and the Marauders and their ever changing relationship during their sixth year at Hogwarts and the rise of the Dark Lord. *Please note that almost neither of the happenings in this story is canon and I accidentally made some mistakes (for example I put in a potion which was invented after the Marauders era).* HP (c) JKR
1. The ones we love can hurt us the most

**The ones we love can hurt us the most**

Lily was sitting in the common room on a couch in front of the fireplace. She was reading Hogwarts, A History for her next History of Magic lesson. She tried to concentrate on the legend of the Chamber of Secrets, but it wasn't that easy, as a loud applause and screaming started in the common room. Lily turned her head.

James Potter came down the stairs. There was a white little lily between his teeth. Lily rolled her eyes and returned to her book. After a few minutes, James stopped next to the couch. He stared at the girl without saying a word. Lily sighed angrily and glanced at him impatiently.

Lily's look changed from upset to shocked while James unbuttoned his shirt. He unfolded it, sticking his chest out. There was a writing on his skin with red ink under his tie, which read: 'WANNA DATE?'

James smiled with the flower in his mouth and looked questioningly at Lily.

"No." she said concisely.

Lily stood up with her book in her hand. She headed towards the girls' dormitory, bumping some silly girls whispering about James' torso.

He shouted at her: "You would be happier if I sectumsempra-d it into Snivelly's chest?"

Even though Lily wasn't fond of Severus anymore, she didn't tolerate Potter insulting him unjustly. He was worse than the boy who called her a 'mudblood'.

She turned around and furiously went closer to James. He buttoned up his shirt again and looked down at Lily resentfully.

"You are a jerk, Potter." She said quietly, shaking with wrath. "You are the most arrogant, disgusting and lame idiot I've known in my life. I would NEVER, EVER date you, even if my life depended on it. I wish you were never even born!"

The people in the common room suddenly left speechless.

Lily pressed her hands over her mouth as she realized what she just said. She could see James' heart break into pieces by his eyes as he slowly grew sad. He lowered his head with painful sorrow on his face.

"I'm so sorry." Lily whispered ashamed and nearly crying.

"You don't have to be." James replied with a hoarse voice.

He took a deep breath and approached the painting of the Fat Lady. He left the common room and slammed the portrait. Lily winced and looked down the little, dead lily, which James trampled on.


	2. Disguise of feelings

**Disguise of feelings**

Day came after day and Lily felt more and more miserable. James didn't talk to her and neither did he look at her. Their whole class knew about the incident five days ago since almost all of the sixth year gryffindors was present. On the one hand this was a pleasant thing, Lily thought, because no one had to interrogate her about it. But on the other hand, it was more than horrible.  
James Potter was a Hogwarts-famous Quidditch player, a mischief-maker marauder and last but not least along with one of his best friends, the best-looking guy in the castle. Rumour spread like wildfire among female students that "that stupid idiot Lily Evans" rejected him. Again.

Lily started to be thinking about going back to the Muggle-world (although it wasn't a serious idea) where no one knows about her relationship with James. Generally, she didn't really care about rumours and lame girls who were jealous of her, but in this case it annoyed her. On Monday, as she was staring to the other end of the table where James, Sirius, Remus and Peter sat during lunch, it occurred to her that this uncomfortable feeling might be a sense of guilt. But as she gulped a bite of pumpkin pie, she dismissed this from her thoughts.  
On one of the last few days she decided the whole thing was James's fault, _he_ had to apologize. Lily even wrote a list about the arguments she had in her mind:

**Who was the bigger jerk?**

Me: - I wished for his death (not literally, but still)  
- I insulted him very hard

Potter: - he wanted to hurt someone who wasn't even involved  
- he wanted to force me to date him  
- he assumed that I have feelings towards Severus, although I didn't give him any reasons to  
- he's arrogant  
- he really is an idiot  
- he was too sensitive  
- I hate him

All in all, Lily knew she wasn't the one to be blamed in this instance. Nevertheless, shame slowly came over her anger. She saw that James wasn't the happy guy he'd been before and that Sirius was becoming madder and madder at his friend since he didn't take Quidditch trainings seriously while their match against Ravenclaw was just around the corner.  
"That crazy witch has made you as useless as a stinky sock!", Sirius was telling James off aloud in the common room the other night. "We should practice like hell, mate!"  
"Don't care", James shrugged.  
"What do you mean you don't care?" asked Sirius incredulously. "If we don't win this match we won't get to the finals and we can kiss the Cup goodbye. Do you know how difficult it was to convince McGonagall to postpone our match? We have one hell of a luck with this dry weather in the middle of winter!"  
James stayed ostentatiously silent.

During this conversation, Lily pretended to be intensely reading _Advanced Potion Making_. She was looking at the pages of the book but she saw nothing - she was listening to the boys. Soon after, footsteps sounded to approach her, but Lily didn't look up.  
"Since when do you have the ability to read books from upside down?"  
Lily turned to pale first and right after that she blushed very hard. Sirius was standing just in front of her. She pulled the book higher to cover her red face.  
Sirius snatched the textbook from Lily while said: "Oh, for Merlin's pants, put that stupid book down! Listen, you have to do something to cheer Prongs up."  
"Why me?", Lily squared her shoulders.  
"Apparently you're not as smart as they say, are you?" Sirius asked her sarcastically.  
"Shut up", grumbled Lily. "I know what you mean, but I meant why should _I_ cheer _him_ up when the whole thing was his fault?"  
Sirius closed his eyes theatrically as if he was getting really tired of this matter.  
"I don't know who is to blame and I don't even care." He opened his eyes and looked at Lily very seriously. "And if I did, I wouldn't agree with you either, just so you know…"  
"Wow, how fair you are." Lily cut in.  
"But", Sirius went on, "you two have to make peace, otherwise there won't be only two grumpy people in this school but about one hundred and fifty."  
"I don't care about them" Lily shrugged, but this wasn't entirely true.  
Sirius turned his eyes towards the ceiling and said "Oh, sweet heavens, why do I have to deal with stubborn morons like these two?"  
"Hey!" shouted Lily indignantly.  
Sirius looked back at her. "I don't care how, but you have to solve this."  
"Or what?"  
"Or I'll make sure that your cat becomes a pair of fluffy earmuffs."  
"You won't hurt her." Lily mumbled with worry in her voice.  
Sirius raised an eyebrow arrogantly. "Are you positive?"  
He winked at Lily and returned to his melancholic friend who was staring into the fireplace with a very care-worn look on his face.

It was two days ago that Sirius talked to Lily who had two sleepless nights since then. Night after night she fell asleep at three in the morning with a withered, white lily between her fingers. That flower was the one James destroyed.

Lily had several discussions in her mind with her inner voice and finally she got convinced. She decided she was going to talk to James and try to compromise. Because if there was one thing she was one hundred percent sure of, that was that she won't beg for that moron's forgiveness.

After some self-encouraging and more warnings from Sirius, Lily took action three days before the Gryffindor-Ravenclaw match. She put on her cloak and went down to the Quidditch pitch in the bitter cold of the Scottish mountains. Her plan was to corner James somewhere he can't just rush out of. So at the end of the Quidditch practice she went to the dressing rooms and waited. Almost all of the team members left when James and Sirius showed up.

"Hey" Lily greeted them, shaking with cold.  
"What's up, Evans?" asked Sirius without any interests in his voice.  
Lily saw James tried to avoid eye contact since he was looking at his broom's tail-twigs.  
She ignored Sirius and looked right at James. "I want to talk to you."  
"Good", said Sirius pleased. "You don't have to hurry, just talk as long as you want…"  
"Padfoot" said James warningly.  
"'Kay, see you in the common room."  
They watched Sirius leaving for the castle. After a few moments of silence James asked:  
"So?"  
"Not here."  
Lily turned right and headed towards the broomshed. She took out her wand from under her cloak and aimed at the lock of the door. She opened it with a nonverbal '_Alohomora_'. When the door was open, she stepped into the small shed. James stared at her as if she was off her nut.  
"Come in, for God's sake!" Lily commanded.  
James hesitated for one more moment, and then followed Lily who closed the door as soon as James's right leg was in the shed too.  
"Why exactly do you want to talk in a dark, damp and cold place like this?", he asked.  
"_Lumos_. See, it's not dark anymore, so stop whining." Lily cleared her throat and looked at James. He seemed innocent as the little silver-blue light illuminated his face and reflected in his glasses. "I think we should talk about what happened a week ago." Lily waited for response, but James didn't answer. "As for me… I'm not angry with you."  
"Fine", James shrugged, "and I'm not angry with you either."  
Lily raised her eyebrows. "Why aren't you so suddenly? You ignored me just three minutes ago and now you're not angry with me?"  
James grinned and ran his fingers through his hair. This movement was followed by a roll of Lily's green eyes as if these two acts belonged together.  
"You know, it's very difficult to be angry with someone as beautiful as you are", he leant closer to Lily.  
"I think you should be aware that I can curse the spirit out of you with one single move", she hissed. "Now explain me something: why was it good to pretend hating me?"  
"I just wanted you to admit you also make mistakes."  
"I know I do", Lily frowned perplexed.  
"Then why don't you show this to other people?"  
"What on earth are you talking about?"  
James's grin slowly turned into a serious expression.  
"Have you ever noticed over the last five years that you've never blamed yourself for anything but you've always claimed it was someone else's fault?"  
Lily couldn't believe his ears. She was standing in front of James, blinking astonished. Then she found her voice and asked while heaving with wrath: "Who are you to judge me?"  
"Oh, you misunderstood me." said James. "I wouldn't dare judging you, because of concerns you would – how'd you say? - curse the spirit out of me."  
"Are you making fun of me?" Lily raised her voice furiously. "Well, I hope you're well entertained!"  
"See?" James asked. "You're doing it again. You make me look guilty in insulting you when you are the one who's just unable to admit their faults. I guess we're done, aren't we?"  
Without waiting for Lily to respond, James opened the door of the shed and walked out of it.

More days passed with Lily being angry with James and James being totally ignorant towards the problem. He didn't behave like he had before their conversation, but didn't care about Lily at all. He did his job as always - went to Quidditch practice, collected a few detentions from McGonagall and sneaked out of the school in the middle of the night. In comparison, Lily couldn't pay attention in classes, didn't want to talk to anyone and neglected her tasks as a Prefect. She was so clumsy throughout these days; her quills fell out of her hands all the time. She became so angry once, she overthrew her ink bottle and left History of Magic lesson without asking for permission from Professor Binns.

On Saturday when she was walking towards the Gryffindor common room, she encountered McGonagall on the second floor. The Head of her House wasn't in a good mood, but, she thought, when is she?  
"Miss Evans?", the Professor stepped in front of her.  
"Yes, Professor McGonagall?", Lily asked impatiently.  
"I heard about your… runaway, from History of Magic lesson. Would you be so kind as to explain me what in the name of Merlin has gotten into you?"  
Lily looked at McGonagall's razor thin lips. She released a deep sigh and performed the best lie of her life: "You know, Professor, I had a very serious headache."  
"Headache?" McGonagall narrowed her eyes. "Do you think I am a troll-brained old hag or are you simply lying to me, Miss Evans?"  
Both - Lily thought but she didn't want to get suspended so she stayed quiet for a few moments, then said: "I am not lying, Professor, I really was sick. If you don't believe me you can ask my roommates. Mary was in our dormitory when I went up there to take a rest."  
"Hm. I will ask Miss MacDonald as soon as possible." McGonagall pouted. "Now, get to the Quidditch pitch, Miss Evans, you don't want your House to lose, do you?"  
Even though Lily had no idea why Gryffindor would lose if she wasn't there, she obeyed McGonagall's command.

The weather was pretty bad outside the castle. It was quite windy and some kind of precipitation was falling from the dark-grey sky, but almost none of the Hogwarts students seemed to care about it. Lily squeezed herself through the jubilant crowd and finally sat next to Remus.  
"Hey", she greeted the boy.  
"Hey, what made you come to the match?", he asked.  
"McGonagall", Lily replied. "What about all this exultation?"  
Remus laughed shortly while offered his chocolate bar to Lily. She looked at her friend grumpily but took a piece of chocolate.  
"Clearly, you don't know much about Quidditch, do you?" Remus smiled at her.  
"Well, why should I?", Lily shrugged a bit resentfully. "I don't care about this violent, rude and uncivilized form of wasting time."  
"Don't you think you're a bit harsh about this?" Remus asked.  
There was a high-pitched voice of a whistle and the commentator, Chris Jordan started to list the members of the Ravenclaw Quidditch team.  
"I think I'm harsh about everything…" Lily said in a low tone.  
Remus couldn't hear her. After the applause he turned to her: "Sorry, what did you say?"  
"Nevermind."

Lily didn't really pay attention to the stupid sport she's never going to admire, but she was buried in her thoughts. There was this one thing that was bothering her ever since James was such an idiot and asked for a date in that brutish way. She would've reject him even if she'd got that question in the form of a letter, but she was so vulnerable in that time, her closest friend had just turned out to be the biggest nitwit in the entire world and James ripped her wounds open. What she didn't understand at all was that why James briefed her the other day. He wasn't right, Lily thought, he couldn't be. But, if she looked at the matter from another perspective, she wasn't innocent either. Maybe she does have problems with her self-concept, but it was something she didn't want to think about.

At the moment she wakened, she noticed she was looking right at James who was flying towards the Snitch. Lily turned her head but in the next second the crowd exclaimed as one. Everyone around her jumped on their feet, even Remus. She reacted slowly but stood up and stepped on the bench behind her. Awfully shrill screams could be heard in the auditorium.  
"What's that? What happened?" Lily asked Remus frightened. The voices scared her - she suspected something horrific.  
Remus was gaping without saying anything while staring towards the bottom of the pitch. He turned his head and gave Lily a fearful look.  
"J-James…", he stuttered. "He…"  
A loud voice cut in, filling the two of them with dread:  
"HE'S DEAD!"


	3. The wind of death

**The wind of death**

Black dots were dancing before Lily's eyes while Remus grabbed her right arm and pulled her about between the rows. They weren't the only ones to run around like crazy; everyone panicked and shouted James's name. Lily and Remus arrived to the bottom of the pitch but only some confused Ravenclaw students were there. Apparently, they didn't notice the accident and landed after James was taken away from the grass. One of them was as white as a corpse and tears were streaming down his face. Lily watched the beefy boy who seemed to be a Beater - judging from the bat in his shaking left hand. She was so befuddled she lost the ability to keep in mind what to do in this critical situation.

Remus continued on his way with Lily's hand in his grip.  
"He's not dead. He's got bumped in the head with a Bludger. They took him to the Hospital Wing.", he said while rushing towards the castle.  
If Lily had kept her wits, she would have been relieved. But on this level of shock she could only react by letting a weird sound out. They soon made it to the castle where loads of students were bustling around, gossiping about what happened down at the Quidditch pitch. Lily hardly comprehended what was currently going on around her, but she raised her head when Remus went off the hooks, bellowing: "GET OUT OF THE WAY, YOU IDIOTS!"  
People jumped to the walls outraged as the two of them barrelled down towards the Hospital. Almost everyone was complaining about how rude the always patient Remus was.

They soon arrived at the door of the hospital. It was locked, but Remus started banging on it.  
"Moony, stop. They won't let you in."  
Lily and Remus turned around, looking for the owner of the voice. It was Sirius; he was standing in the corner. His face was all pinched as if he was having a grave fight in his mind - he felt powerless in this case.  
"Is he okay?", Remus asked quietly, panting. He knew that all of the team members heard him, because they were so silent as if they had witnessed someone's death.  
"Do you want me to tell the truth?" Sirius glanced at his best friend. "He's not. Madam Pomfrey said his state was critical."  
"I… I think… I'm going to… faint", said Lily quietly and almost collapsing.  
"No, you're not, Evans!" Sirius spat at her. "We have someone to be unconscious, we don't need another one! You have no right to faint, understand?"  
Lily blinked once or twice a bit stunned but this diatribe made her fully sober. She leant against the cold stonewall next to Sirius to keep herself in one piece. She was afraid she would fall apart if something didn't hold her.  
"God, if I had the chance to meet that arse Inglebee again, I'd beat the wit out of him!" Sirius grunted with pure hatred in his voice. "Stupid Ravenclaw!"  
"I only dare to assume you speak figuratively, Mr. Black." They didn't notice the six feet tall headmaster approaching them.  
"I'm sorry, Professor Dumbledore.", said Sirius while lowering his head.  
"It is all right, Mr. Black." He leant closer to Lily, Remus and Sirius. "Mr. Potter is currently unconscious, as you may know. He got a severe hit in the head with a Bludger and we do not want to risk his life, thus I myself sent an owl to St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries to ask them to hospitalize your friend. I hope it is fine by you three."  
"It is." , said Sirius.  
"Yes, Professor." Remus approved.  
Lily didn't say anything, just nodded.

Lily was anxious in every moment of the days from that day on. Things seemed to get worse and worse since they had had their quarrel with James. She thought it was karma - the worst kind. She admitted already that the feeling which was flowing through her veins was the sense of guilt but it tortured her more than anything could have.  
Sirius had some exchanges of letters with Mr. and Mrs. Potter who wrote that James was awake now but the Healers didn't let him go home until they didn't know if he was amnesic.  
At least, he wasn't dead. The only thing Lily could think of when she hadn't known James was alive, was that he died with anger in himself towards her. It was an unpleasant feeling and Lily didn't doubt she would've felt this way in connection with anyone in her class. Well, she liked to think this.

On the last Saturday before Christmas they had the chance to go to Hogsmeade. This made Lily a bit more relaxed since she could do the Christmas shopping for her family. She got a Remembrall for her father who always forgot things, a self-heating scarf for her mother (Self-heating scarf – the ultimate protection for your throat!) and two bags of the finest candies of Honeydukes for her sister, Petunia. On her way to the Three Broomsticks she spotted Zonko's Joke Shop. She entered the shop and looked round the place. Soon after, she found an elegant Sneakoscope with artistic design on it. She wanted to make up the whole thing with James somehow, so she bought it for him.

In the Three Broomsticks she seated next to the fireplace. She asked for a cup of Butterbeer with ginger on it from Madam Rosmerta and examined the presents she bought again. She was sipping her Butterbeer while reading _A Guide to Advanced Transfiguration_. About fifteen minutes later another cup landed next to hers. She glanced up to a grinning Sirius Black.  
"Can I have a seat?" he asked, but didn't wait for respond just pulled out the chair and sat down.  
"Sure", Lily murmured and continued on reading.  
Sirius was slurping his Butterbeer so loudly she couldn't concentrate. She put down her book and looked at Sirius.  
"Could you explain me why you're sitting at a table with me?" She inquired. "I thought you have friends who need your company."  
"Oh, yeah, I'd rather be with them than with you", he said dispassionately, "but my fans are always ready for action when I'm around so I pretend to have a date with you."  
"YOU WHAT?!" Lily yelled.  
"Shhh, Evans, you don't want us to be busted, do you?"  
"There's no such thing as _us_ and I would like to end this nonsense. Oh my goodness, are you guys all so annoying, except for Remus?"  
"Look, there's something I wanted to tell you.", said Sirius, ignoring Lily's diatribe.  
"You don't want to tell me you're in love with me, right?" She asked sarcastically.  
"No way I would." Sirius shook his head. "But maybe if you gave me the chance to tell you the thing I originally came for, you'd get rid of me in no time. Now, James's coming back on Monday."  
"What?!" Lily straightened on the chair. "Are you kidding?"  
"Nope, he really is. His owl brought me his letter in the morning."  
"Wow, that's great! That's Christmas!" Lily gushed. Then she realized she was too enthusiastic and cleared her throat. "I mean, wow. That's great, but I don't care."  
"Yeah, I was sure you wouldn't", Sirius gave her a suspicious look and stood up. "That's all I wanted. Hope you enjoy your… novel or whatever you're reading."  
"This is our Transfiguration textbook", Lily raised the book to show it to Sirius, "you've got your own copy."  
"If you say so, Evans." Sirius shrugged then disappeared in the crowd.


	4. Unexpected gifts

**Unexpected gifts**

Lily sent an owl with a huge box full of the presents she bought for her family on the 23rd of December. She wrote her parents she would definitely not go home for Christmas, since it was her sixth year at Hogwarts and that means a lot of studying - especially during school breaks.

She was reading all night the day before Christmas. She was so excited because of the next day, she couldn't sleep. 'It's because it's Christmas tomorrow', she thought but a part of her common sense (a very shameful part of it) suggested it was because of James's return.  
She woke up for a loud scream. "MERRY CHRISTMAAAS!" She jumped out of her bed frightened. Her D.A.D.A. textbook fell down from the bed. "Me-Merry Christmas" Lily yawned for Mary and went to the bathroom to wash herself awake.

"Aren't you excited for what you got?", Mary asked.  
"I am", Lily mumbled, and then spit the toothpaste she had in her mouth to the sink. "But I don't want to have dental caries."  
"You're such a spoilsport."  
Lily combed her hair and put on some clothes. "What time's it?", she asked Mary.  
"I don't know", the girl shrugged while reading a letter she got with one of her presents. "About seven-thirty, I guess."  
Lily didn't want to seem too excited about James's return, so she sat on her bed and started to unwrap her gifts. She got a beautiful green cashmere sweater, some cookies and a silver necklace with a white pearl pendant from her parents, a single giftcard from Petunia (the card had a Christmas tree on its front and in the inside written with Petunia's letters the text: "Merry Christmas. Petunia") which she didn't like very much, a knitted scarf and a pair of knitted gloves from her grandmother and some more candies from the Muggle-world.

She stretched her arm and told Mary she would have breakfast. The common room was all decorated with Christmas ornaments. The place was empty. As Lily reached for the back of the Fat Lady to go to the Great Hall, the painting opened up all at once and four boys stepped into the room. Sirius, Remus, Peter and James were laughing at something. Lily stood there stock-still.

"Hey, Evans!" Sirius greeted her unusually cheerfully.  
"I think they have a few things to discuss, guys", Remus looked at Sirius and Peter. "We better leave them alone."  
Lily wanted to remark that this sounded like there was something between her and James, but she agreed with Remus. She wanted to talk to James - alone.  
"I don't want to see them snogging anyway", Sirius shrugged.  
Lily finally moved and pulled her wand out of the waist of her skirt and turned to Sirius.  
"I didn't even want to curse you this morning, but, oh well!", she raised her wand, but Remus stepped behind her and held her arms down.  
"There's no need for violence, Lily. Don't let yourself enraged."  
"Then get off me, Remus.", she shook herself out of Remus's hands.  
Remus gently commanded Sirius and Peter to get lost and they went up to their dormitory.

"Well, here I am", said James smiling. "Safe and sound."  
Lily was looking at him furiously. Her wand was casting crackling red sparks.  
"E-Evans", James stuttered glancing at the willow wand. "Shouldn't you put down that wa-"  
Lily ran across the room and hit James in the chest, shouting: "JAMES POTTER, YOU DAMN FOOL! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD, YOU BLOCKHEAD, AND NOW YOU JUST STEP IN AND TELL ME YOU'RE SAFE AND SOUND?!"  
"Woah, wait, Evans, what…?"  
"How dare you stand here like this?!", Lily screamed hysterically.  
"I…"  
"You scared everyone to death, you idiot!"  
"WOULD YOU JUST SHUT UP?" James yelled at her. He noticed the murderous flash in her eyes and added: "…Please?"  
Lily crossed her arms and pursed up angrily.  
"Should I apologize for being bashed on the head with a Bludger or what?" James asked a bit more moderate.  
"No, you dumbbell." Lily grumbled. "We just didn't make peace and I didn't know if you were alive and… well, I didn't want you to die without closing our case."  
James looked at her perplexed for a moment. A few moments later he raised his eyebrows enlightened.  
"Oh, so you're conscience is speaking right now. You had a sense of guilt because we didn't make it up."  
"You should have had it too.", hissed Lily.  
"I have", James replied. "That's why I prepared this for you."

He stretched his right arm. There was a small gift box in his hand. Lily wanted to say she doesn't want it, but what would it look like? She also bought a present for him. Maybe they can live in peace with each other this way.

Lily reached for the gift. She looked up a waiting James and pulled the ribbon on the top of the wrapping. In the box there was a long bookmark-like thing, made of brown leather. Lily took it out of the box to examine the crooked letters on it. The letters read: _I'm sorry_. Lily didn't really know what to say.

"Yeah, uh, I made it", said James, ruffling his hair, "I know it's not a big deal and it's kind of… well, it sucks, but…"  
"Thanks." Lily smiled at him.  
It wasn't a fake smile, but a wholehearted one. She really found the bookmark beautiful (and useful, too), even though it looked like it was made by a ten year old kid.  
"You know, I received your present, too", James grinned.  
"Uh, it was just…" Lily made a mouth. "It was just a symbolic gift, I wanted to…"  
James finished her sentence: "…express that you want to end the war."  
"Exactly." Lily nodded.

They stood face to face each other and smiled. Just before any of them could have said something, they heard a large bang and Sirius landed on the floor, right from the top of the staircase which led to the boys' dormitory. He ran his fingers through his medium length, curly hair and asked: "Have you finished? We've got to go to Quidditch practice, Prongs!"

"What?", Lily glanced at him. "He's just got back from the hospital!", she said irritated.  
James smiled at her apologetically. "Sorry Lily, but we're already lagging behind."  
He kissed Lily on her cheek and followed Sirius through the portrait of the Fat Lady. Lily became fully paralyzed. Remus stepped next to her while Peter tried to catch up with the boys.

Remus shook his head with a soft smile on his face.  
"They never learn, do they?"


	5. The full moon rises

**The full moon rises**

"Did I mention how much I hate you, Black?"  
Lily's question spread between the hospital beds. James turned a page in the _Evening Prophet_ and answered without looking at Lily: "Yes, you did. This was the fifty-second time."  
"Still doesn't express the hatred I feel for him.", she grumbled and tried to sit up in the bed with several painful hisses coming from her mouth.  
"You should be grateful, Evans", said Sirius from the opposite bed. "You don't have to study for a few days."  
"I'll let you know if I want to burn as if I was in the ninth pit of hell again." She answered him with contempt.

**Nr. 88746351 CRIMINAL FILE**

DATE: 3/1/1977  
**LOCATION:** United Kingdom, Scotland, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Charms classroom  
**INJURED:** L. Evans, S. Black, P. Pettigrew, five Slytherin students, a Chinese vase, three windows, four benches, forty-six valuable books  
**CASUALTIES:** a bunch of tulips  
**SUSPECT(S):** S. Black  
**WITNESS(ES):** sixteen Gryffindor students, twelve Slytherin students, Prof. F. Flitwick of Charms  
**ACTUAL PERPETRATOR(S):** S. Black  
**ACTION:** Afore-named suspect attempted to cast the so called firecharm, Globus Igneo, mentioned by his teacher to display his strength in the 58th minute of the 2nd hour in the afternoon on the above mentioned day. S. Black, sixth year Gryffindor student created a fireball which he could not have controlled. Although several students tried to blow it out with the incantation Aguamenti, all of the attempts were in vain. The fireball mentioned above wounded Miss L. Evans, Messrs P. Pettigrew and S. Black (the perpetrator) and five more students from Slytherin House. A Chinese vase, three windows, forty-six books, four benches and a bunch of tulips constitutes material loss. The globe left the room after the devastation through the window and in the Black Lake of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, it permanently burnt out.  
**PUNISHMENT FOR THE PERPETRATOR(S):** two months of detention by Minerva McGonagall Transfiguration professor and Deputy Headmistress

**CASE CLOSED**

Lily couldn't believe she got to the Hospital on the very first school day after the winter holiday. When Sirius got the idea to test his abilities with creating a huge fireball in the middle of Charms, Lily thought he was not normal. But now, lying on the very uncomfortable iron framed bed, her opinion changed about Black: he wasn't only an idiot, but a raving maniac.

Madam Pomfrey rushed into the hospital room with three phials of the tinctures she treated the wounds of the injured with.  
"Mr. Potter, it is time for you to leave now. Your friend is more dangerous when you are around as well."  
"Yes, Madam Pomfrey", said James, releasing a sigh. He closed the newspaper he was reading and stood up. While Madam Pomfrey put some salve on Peter's wounds, James leant to Sirius. Lily saw he whispered something that made Sirius grin like he always did when they were up to something. For a moment, she was curious but then she decided it's better if she doesn't know what's going on. Either way she was always in the middle of the trouble these two caused.

Madam Pomfrey finished daubing Peter's wounds and went to Lily. She put some of the three tinctures on Lily's burns. She was hissing all the time she got treated.  
"I'm sorry, Miss Evans, but this is the only way I can treat you."  
"What's that you put on my arm?", asked Lily curiously, since she was interested in any form of potions.  
"It is called Liquidice", replied the old Matron. "It cools the burning area."  
"Yeah, I noticed it", said Lily, watching the white freeze spreading on the wound while it sizzled like a freshly cooked piece of meat.  
"This is a disinfectant to prevent bacteria to get in the mere flesh", Madam Pomfrey went on. She took the third phial. "And the last one is called Regenero-potion. This makes the new skin grow faster."  
At the moment she finished her sentence, tiny pink membrane formed in the corner of the arm-long wound. Madam Pomfrey anointed the rest of Lily's wounds and stepped to Sirius's bed.

Lily would have liked to fight with Sirius while there was no threat to hex each other, but she turned to her side and closed her eyes. She recalled the scene in the afternoon when she could not resist the temptation to use Bat-Bogey Hex on Sirius after an abundant quarrel. Although Madam Pomfrey took their wands away, Lily was satisfied with her work. With the happy memory of Sirius's face while little black bats were flying out of his nose, Lily fell asleep.

Her dream was a mess. She stood on the edge of a big rock, watching the sunset. She was enjoying the view with her cat in her arms, but after a few moments, McGonagall appeared next to her and started to whisper about something, but Lily couldn't hear her. She kept asking what the Professor said, but a large bang awakened her.

The bang came from the direction of the huge door. She was sure of it, because two annoyed voices sounded from the corridor.  
"Told you not to slam it!"  
"I didn't, this damn door is heavy!"  
"Whatever, let's get out of here."  
Lily jumped out of her bed, but she instantly regretted her decision – she tore open one of her wounds. She cursed for a second, then put on her cloak and paddled to the door. She pushed the door handle and stepped to the dimmish corridor. She didn't see anyone there. Half of her mind suggested going back to sleep, but the other half shouted for an adventure. She was almost absolutely sure that one of the voices she heard from the corridor belonged to Sirius.

Lily started off on the corridor. Her heart was beating as fast as if she was running. Her right fist was clenched, even though her wand rested in Madam Pomfrey's room. She definitely missed it in that moment.

After some fast steps she heard the sound of feet she didn't consider as her own. For a moment she was overcome by fear that the footsteps she heard were Filch's, but in the same moment, a leg covered in pyjama pants occurred in the middle of the corridor. Lily's emerald green eyes became as round as two plates but she didn't dare to say anything, just followed the right leg in the blue-striped bottom and slippers.

Lily and the leg reached the oak doors. One of the door handles got pressed down. The leg walked out of the castle and the door closed. Lily bit her lower lip. She would have had to turn around and get back to the Hospital. It was the middle of the night.  
"I will so regret this", she whispered for herself and opened the door again.  
She tried to close the door quietly, but it slammed with a loud sound. As she turned around to see where the leg went, she encountered James and Sirius.  
"Evans!", shouted Sirius in surprise.  
"What are you doing here?!", James hissed.  
"I could ask you the same!", Lily replied, crossing her arms around her cloak.  
"Get back to the castle, Evans, it's dangerous out here!" Sirius whispered.  
"Dangerous?" Lily frowned. "What do you mean by dangerous?"  
"He meant cold", said James quickly. "You're going to catch a cold."  
"What are you two up to?" Lily narrowed her eyes.  
"Just go back, okay?", Sirius spat at her.  
"I'm not going back!" Lily insisted.

The conversation was interrupted by a yowl from somewhere around the Forbidden Forest. Lily was blinking frightened. James stepped in front of her, two stairs under the stair she was standing on, so that their eyes got in line.  
"I beg you, Lily, go back to the castle!", James looked at her with his eyes wide open. The reflection of the full moon in his glasses was an eyesore to her. "You have to listen to me, it's…"  
"Prongs!", bellowed Sirius.  
James turned his head and Lily peeked above his left shoulder. There was no trace of Sirius, but a large black dog was snarling to the direction of the woods.  
"Shit!", murmured James and turned back to Lily. He grabbed her shoulders and said: "Please, go back. If you do so, I'll explain everything in the morning."

James turned on his heels and ran towards the dog. Lily was just about to go back to the castle when she heard the yowl again - it was much closer than before. She glanced at the way James went, but she didn't find him. Only a proud stag and the dog were sprinting to the Forbidden Forest. She watched the two animals astonished when she heard a loud growl from her left side. She turned her head slowly to face an enormous werewolf.


	6. The blatant truth

**The blatant truth**

Lily was petrified as she caught a glimpse of the highly dangerous creature. The werewolf was slobbering about a foot from her. Its black eyes were shining with hunger.

Lily forced her heavily shaking leg to move a step backwards. The werewolf pushed out its tongue, then pulled it back in the split of a second. Only two steps, Lily thought, two steps were missing to reach the door.

Branches were crackling in the background, somewhere around the Forest. The werewolf turned its head to see what was interrupting it while hunting down the dinner. It was a now or never situation and Lily had no intention of staying. With her heart beating in her throat, she pressed the door handle. The werewolf turned back to her and stroke towards her with its clawed forefoot. Lily screamed and crouched to avoid of being slapped in the face.

She held her hand to the door handle again exactly at the moment when the stag and the dog jumped on the werewolf's back. She heard the dog barking, the werewolf growling and the stag's hooves on the marble staircase, and then pushed the door and fell to the floor of the Entrance Hall. The door slammed.

After a few moments of panting and trying to calm down, footsteps sounded to approach her. Lily heard a strong wheezing from the direction of the Grand Staircase. She stood up, shaking with cold and stumbled to the huge armour in the corner. She leant against the stonewall. Soon enough, Filch appeared in the Entrance Hall with a lantern in his right hand, followed by Mrs. Norris.

"Who's there?", asked Filch, panting. "Who is there?"  
Filch approached the door and put his left hand on the handle. Lily closed her eyes and silently suggested Filch not to open the oak door. But the thought didn't reach the old caretaker and he pressed the handle down. The door opened and Lily glanced at Filch. He took a step out and looked round the ground. Apparently, he didn't find anything strange, because he soon closed the door again.  
"Bloody owls", Filch mumbled to his cat while taking the stairs upwards. "They can't hold them in check. Why don't they store those wretched birds in the Owlery?"

After Filch had disappeared, Lily released a trembling sigh and slipped down against the wall. She buried her face in the palms of her hands. She decided to wait for James and Sirius there…

James!

And Sirius!

Lily jumped on her feet again behind the armour. She was horrified of the thought that the two - idiot, stupid, moron! - boys were still out there. There was a half-theory in her mind which didn't have a full body yet, but it included James, Sirius and a very difficult form of transfiguration which was almost impossible to learn even for high-skilled wizards.

She had to do something. She couldn't stand there without at least trying to save the two jerks' lives. Lily slowly slipped out of the shadow of the armour and stopped in front of the door. She took a deep breath and held out to the handle.

At the moment she touched the cold copper, the door opened wide and the two Marauders stepped in. Lily stepped back, examining the two boys, who put their hands on their knees and gasped quickly. Lily had a moment to take a look at their torn shirts (well, in Sirius's case, his pyjama top) and their faces, arms and legs covered in fresh blood.

The door slammed the fourth time that night, and James raised his head frightened.  
"We have to go back before Filch could find us!", he whispered imperiously.  
He grabbed Lily's hand and ran towards the Hospital Wing. Sirius loped next to them.

The Hospital was filled with the sound of Peter's snoring. Sirius closed the door gently.  
"Would you, please, explain me what the bloody hell was all that?", asked Lily hysterically while shaking her hand off James's grip.  
"As soon as you lay back to your bed", he replied.  
Lily looked him in the eye for a moment but she couldn't read anything from his look but rigor.

She turned on her heel and sat on her bed. Sirius followed her and sat on the other end of the bed without asking for permission from Lily. She frowned at him, but Sirius didn't care. James pulled out the small chair next to them.  
"First off, I hope you know I don't owe you any explanation", James put his elbows on his knees and tied his fingers.  
"How the hell would you not?" Lily narrowed her eyes.  
"I told you I would explain everything in the morning if you came back. You didn't."  
"I think Evans should know why she almost got killed fifteen minutes ago."  
Lily turned to Sirius with disbelief on her face. James stared deeply into Sirius's eyes.  
"All of it?", he asked.  
"All of what?", Lily inquired.  
"Well, there would be no point in keeping the rest as a secret."  
"The rest of what?"  
"Will the others be okay with it?" James kept his eyes on Sirius's face.  
"The others?"  
"Merlin's pants, Evans, shut up!" Sirius turned to her. Lily glimpsed at him offended. "Prongs, listen, she's not an idiot, she won't tell anybody. Or else I'll hex her until she goes mute."  
Lily wanted to reply something rather unkind, but James preceded her:  
"All right then.", he took a deep breath. "Lily, the two animlas you saw out there…"  
"…the dog and the stag", Sirius added.  
"Yes, the dog and the stag", James nodded, "well…"  
_Don't say you're Animagi. Don't say you're Animagi. Don't say you're Animagi._  
"We're Animagi", Sirius said instead of James.  
Lily smiled with confusion. She felt as if it was April Fools' Day. She didn't want to believe this absurdity.  
"Evans?" Sirius asked. "Evans, I'm a dog. And James is a stag."  
"And as a matter of fact, Peter is a rat", added James.  
Lily burst into laughter and she had to press her palms over her mouth to repress the loud giggling.  
"Lily, listen to me", James turned to her seriously. "Lily, the werewolf you saw out there… it was Remus."  
The grin slowly turned into an expression of shock on Lily's face as she understood what James just said.


	7. Friendship is the soul's heaven

**Friendship is the soul's heaven**

"Wha-what did you say?"  
Lily took her hands off her mouth. Her green eyes were quivering with shock.  
"We learnt to be Animagi in order to protect the students and Remus himself during full moon", said James. "On some level we can control his strength and chase him to a safe place where he can ride the furry little problem out, should it occur he doesn't get to his hiding place in time."  
"_Furry little problem_?", Lily echoed quietly.  
"Yeah, Prongs doesn't like calling a spade a spade." Sirius replied.  
"Prongs… Padfoot…" Lily muttered. "Moony… Wormtail..."  
"We are proud to introduce you the Marauders." Sirius grinned.  
Lily wasn't in such a good mood.  
"Since when has Remus been a werewolf?"  
"He was bitten when he was seven." James answered. "He didn't tell us, so we worked out the truth in second year."  
"How do you protect him?" Lily inquired. "By separating him or what?"  
"He spends the full moon in a safe place", said Sirius. "He gets Wolfsbane Potion from Madam Pomfrey and goes there and we meet up with him in the form of animals. He usually doesn't attack us but tonight we forgot about the whole thing."  
"It was mostly because of me." James lowered his head. "It was because of that bloody Bludger. If I wasn't hit in the head with it…"  
"You know he was busy studying", Sirius cut in.  
"And you know he wasn't."  
The two boys' shared a steely look. Lily didn't know whether they would wrestle or hug the blow out of each other.  
"You said you figured out about his… furry little problem during second year", Lily said, "so, is that the same year when you learnt to transform into animals?"  
"Wow, we aren't geniuses, Evans." Sirius raised an eyebrow.  
"We started to learn it in second year." James corrected. "But it was last year we could fully change to our animals."  
"Are you registered?", Lily asked sceptically.  
"This is a question we won't answer.", said Sirius. "Do you want to know anything else?"  
Lily shook her head. "I'd rather sleep now or else my head will explode."  
"It would be such a pity for it." James grinned a bit.  
Lily narrowed her eyes and kicked Sirius in the leg to draw his attention to leave. She put her head on the pillow, but at the same moment something flashed in her mind.  
"Wait, how did you…?"  
"No more questions, Evans", she heard Sirius's voice from his bed. "No more questions."

Madam Pomfrey set Lily, Sirius and Peter free two days after that night. Lily was unable to look in Remus's eyes when he was in the Hospital, visiting his friends. Once, she caught a glimpse of his eyes with a mixture of confusion and sadness in them when Remus brought them the homework.

Lily always considered Remus as her friend and so she decided to talk to him about the matter. James and Sirius promised her not to tell their best friend about Lily learning the truth so that she could make it clear on her own.

On a cold winter night at the library, Lily 'accidentally' ran up against him. With a bunch of books in her hands, Lily approached the boy who was surrounded by a dozen of books for his Herbology homework.  
"Hey", Lily greeted him.  
"Hi", Remus looked up from his parchment.  
"Can I join you?", she asked.  
"Sure, of course!"  
Remus pushed away four or five books next to him to give place to Lily. She sat down, fumbling for her quill, bottle of ink and roll of parchment for a long time in order to temporize. As much as Lily wanted to be honest with Remus, she couldn't start it from the beginning.  
"So, I'm on a research."  
Remus turned to Lily confused. Lily herself didn't know where this lame lie came from, but there was no turning back, so she went on:  
"I'd like to learn how to brew the perfect Wolfsbane Potion."  
Remus became paralyzed. A big splotch of ink landed on his parchment, between the words 'dragon' and 'dung'. He took his wand and cleared the blot away.  
"Oh, is that so?", he asked on a higher-pitched voice than he normally had.  
"Yeah", Lily nodded. "You know, the time I spent in the Hospital made me become more interested in curing potions."  
"Well, you're very good at Potions", said Remus unnecessarily.  
"I was thinking", Lily went on, "about what kind of illnesses could exist among Hogwarts students. I mean, the ones that need constant treating, for example…"  
"…lycanthropy?"

Remus lifted up his head and looked at Lily. His honey-coloured eyes were jumping from one of Lily's eyes to the other. Lily blushed with shame. Who did she want to fool with this scrappy tale?

"For example lycanthropy", she approved.  
"When did you figure it out?", asked Remus and released a tired sigh.  
"James and Sirius told me about it on Monday.", Lily confessed.  
"On Monday? Why?", he frowned. "Wait, you don't want to tell me I attacked you, do you?"  
Lily got scared of the worried tone of Remus's voice. She knew he was the kindest and friendliest boy around her but the fact that he became so upset just from the thought of hurting someone, almost broke her heart.  
"No, you didn't", she lied without batting an eyelash. She could tell how relieved Remus became by his expression. "I caught the guys out when they were sneaking out of the Hospital. I insisted on knowing the truth, so after a little bit of fight they told me about it. And about the Animagi part, too."  
Remus stayed quiet. He was staring at the surface of his open bottle of ink, looking at his own, scarred face. In that moment, he didn't see Remus Lupin, the eminent student, Lily assumed, but the beast he had to become every month.  
"Remus", Lily pronounced his name so silently as if it was the sound of a slight breeze. She reached out to his hand and grabbed the fingers of his shaky left hand. "I want you to know that I won't look at you differently because of your furry little problem." Remus turned to her at the phrase. "You are the same person I've known for six years. This little thing won't change anything."  
Remus gulped.  
"Are you sure?", he asked quietly. His eyes were like a puppy's, shining with hope and longing for love.  
Lily didn't reply, just leant to him and hugged him tightly. She could feel Remus's shoulders trembling as she was stroking his back.


	8. Bad news

**Bad news**

Something definitely had changed after Lily and Remus's talk. It was as intangible as the winter sunshine outside the castle. The only thing Lily knew about this feeling was that it was good. Sitting in the Great Hall, having lunch, she moved closer to the Marauders at the table. They didn't seem to dislike it, in fact, they often started conversations with her.

Remus looked at her with sincere admiration in his eyes. He was like a little orphan boy who tasted the life of loved children and he wanted more from the only one who gave him the sisterly love.

Sirius stayed the irritating, arrogant dork he has always been, but somehow, Lily felt that particular talk left its mark on both of them.

And there was James, who handled her with kid gloves since the morning he came back from St. Mungo's. No matter how comfortable James's about-turn was, it made Lily feel strangely. She felt like James was an unfamiliar yet obnoxious person.

Weeks passed and Lily's seventeenth birthday was just around the corner. Sirius suddenly thought the best would be to annoy Lily with talking about her "forty year old personality" and that she should consider adopting ten or eleven cats so that she would have four times more cats when she reaches the age twenty. Lily didn't like the image of the crazy old cat lady Sirius pictured her, so they developed the habit of hexing each other time to time.

On Monday, January the 30th Lily woke up with a serious headache. Grumbling, she took her tooth glass and drank a few glasses of water. She looked into the mirror. She didn't like what she saw, her red hair was messy and reminded her of a bird's nest. She washed her face and teeth, put on her uniform, took her books and went down to the Great Hall to have breakfast.  
"Good morning, birthday girl!", Sirius greeted her when she sat down next to Remus.  
She mumbled something and took a toast from the bread basket.  
"Oh, how sweet you are in the morning", Sirius said in a mocking tone.  
"Do you intend on making me angry?", asked Lily.  
"Why are you so grumpy, Lily?" Peter asked from across the table.  
"I'm _not_ grumpy."  
"You got out of bed on the wrong side?" Remus asked kindly.  
"She always does.", replied Sirius and gulped the piece of omelette he had in his mouth.  
This was the moment when Lily couldn't resist taking her wand and using the Silencing Charm on him under the bench. Sirius looked up from his plate and opened his mouth to say something but he became fully mute. He was blinking with surprise but soon after he noticed Lily's wide grin and narrowed his grey eyes.  
The only one who didn't say anything yet was James. He sat next to Sirius, poking the bacon on his plate as if it would bite him in the finger.  
"What's the matter?", asked Lily, leaning across the table.  
"Hm?", James raised his head as if he had just been awakened. "Sorry, what did you say?"  
"I asked what the matter is", she repeated.  
"Oh… uh, nothing", James replied with a fake smile on his face. "I think I better be off to Charms, I don't want to be late."  
He stood up, slung his bag on his shoulder and left the table.

Sirius stopped mutely explaining to Remus to break the charm on him and looked to the direction his best friend went. Lily could see Sirius's mouth forming the sentence: 'What was that?'  
"No idea", Lily shook her head frowning while thinking.

James seemed to be distressed all day. He was totally distracted and he always asked what the question was when someone told him something. Lily found this behaviour rather suspicious but no one knew what James's problem was.

McGonagall saddled her with a bunch of tasks. She had to copy the data sheets of Gryffindor students since they were stained and unreadable due to an accident when Filch happened to overthrow a pitcher of lemonade when he was at McGonagall's room. Lily tried not to think about what can possibly be between the Professor and that old squib, but judging from McGonagall's tone of voice when she explained the task, there was nothing but disgust as for her. In addition, Lily had to arrange a meeting between the Heads and Prefects of Hogwarts in the afternoon. And finally, she had to write an essay titled _Transformations related misconceptions among Muggles_ for Tuesday.

All in all, Lily's seventeenth birthday wasn't happier than any other day of the year. Remus was so kind as to offer helping with copying the data sheets, so they could manage to finish them until lunch.

After classes, Lily and Remus headed to the Trophy Room for the meeting. They knocked on the door and stepped in to see three pairs of Prefects and four of the eight Heads.  
"D'you know what's going on?", one of the Hufflepuff Prefects turned to them as soon as Remus closed the door after them.  
"No", replied Lily.  
"Argh", the boy rolled his eyes, "I should be on Gobstones Club meeting."  
"That has to wait, Mr. MacMillan", McGonagall glided in the room, followed by the rest of the Heads.  
As the last Head Boy wanted to close the door, someone grabbed the handle from the other side and Dumbledore appeared on the threshold. The boy let him step in the room.  
"I am glad all of you could be present on this meeting.", he said, standing next to a stern-faced McGonagall. "There is a very important matter we have to discuss in order to defend the students of Hogwarts. And who could be the best for this job if not you, Prefects, Head Girls and Boys, who yourselves live amongst them?"  
"Just get to the point", mumbled Katherine Greengrass, the Slytherin Head Girl, standing next to Lily.  
"Just shut up", Lily whispered.  
As she turned her head back, her eyes encountered a murderous glance of McGonagall's.  
"What I want to speak about with you is more severe than anything our young students could handle. Therefore, I have to ask you something. As you may know, a dark wizard who calls himself Lord Voldemort is currently seeking for believers for himself. They are named Death Eaters and are all dark wizards."  
Scornful snort echoed in the silent Trophy Room. Lily didn't have to look around to identify the owner of the voice, it was Philip Parkinson. She knew Slytherins had the tendency of joining Voldemort's military. She wished she didn't know about it, but Severus and his suspicious 'friends', Avery and Mulciber were fond of the Dark Lord - as they called him.  
Philip gabbled something which sounded like "forgive me". Dumbledore looked at the others.  
"Since Lord Voldemort is growing more and more powerful each day", he went on, "we need to protect those who cannot protect themselves. The first step to ensure the security of youngsters is that on the next Hogsmeade weekend, which occurs this week, you have to escort them. I would like you to accompany all of the students who have permission to visit the village. You have to make them understand how important is for us to guarantee their safety. Hence you will explain them the current situation. Can I trust you to cooperate?"  
"Yes, Professor." Remus approved first, but then noises of acknowledgement could be heard all over the room.

While going to the Common Room, Lily said: "Dumbledore was so sombre."  
"Yes", Remus nodded, not taking his eyes off the stairs.  
"I mean", she added, looking at the huge ceiling as if she had been seeking for the proper words there, "he was like another man. He's always so cheerful when he makes his speech on the feasts and now… he was so serious. It was scary."  
"It sure was", Remus said, turning his head to Lily. "You know, when Dumbledore speaks so seriously, that means we are in grave danger."  
Lily looked into his eyes and frowned. The honey-coloured eyes glanced back at her with the kindness that was always present in them, but something bedimmed them - something like fear.


	9. Birthday surprise

**Birthday surprise**

"Padfoot, we have to talk."  
Sirius narrowed his eyes perplexed as he looked at Remus. He stood up from the couch and turned back to his admirers. "Forgive me, ladies, I am a busy man." Lily rolled her eyes as the girls sighed and let him go. Sirius nodded to James, who was seemingly studying at one of the tables with Peter. They stood up and all five of them headed to the corner. They put their heads together. Although Lily couldn't examine him properly at breakfast, now she could see the dark shadows under James's eyes. He seemed extremely tired and worried at the same time, judging by the constant frown on his face.

"What's that, Moony?", Sirius asked. "Dumbledore told you something useful?"  
"Yes.", Remus approved. "Something no one would like to hear."  
"It was about Voldemort." Lily said rapidly. As if they had just noticed her, the boys turned their heads to her. "He said something about we, Prefects and Heads protecting the younger students, but the point was… the point was that he's building his army and we have to be very careful."  
"You know Dumbledore", Remus added. "You know, how he used to talk. Well, it wasn't like that. Dumbledore is afraid of what can possibly happen."  
"And what is that?" Peter asked, his blue eyes round like two balls.  
"A wizarding war."  
The answer came from James and all of them turned to him. His eyes were concentrated on one spot on the floor, so Lily assumed he was thinking about something else.  
"Don't you think it's a bit of a harsh expression, Prongs?" Sirius looked at him questioningly.  
"No, I don't." James looked up. "You should know this better than anyone. Your own family members are Voldemort's soldiers."

Dead silence fell between them. Lily would have liked to leave and not to be present when the best friends start to fight, but she wasn't such a coward as Peter, who slithered out of the ring they formed in the corner.

"You're right, mate", Sirius nodded. "My mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, cousins and even my brother are fond of that dark magician. But there are a lot of people who are against his ideas."  
Lily cleared her throat and mustered up her courage to ask: "What exactly are his ideas?"  
"He wants to exterminate the Muggle-borns", James replied. He looked at Lily from the corner of his eye. "He wants to create a Muggle-free world without unmagical people and 'mudbloods'."  
"Oh", Lily said in a high-pitched tone of voice.  
"There are some people who would willingly fight against him but they are fewer than the Death Eaters." James explained. "And not to mention those bastards have a hundred times filthier ways to reach their goals than the resisters."  
"But, of course we have the chance of defeating him", Sirius added meaningfully. "We have Dumbledore. The only wizard Voldemort has ever feared. And don't forget that the Order of the Phoenix is a powerful team."  
"The Order of the Phoenix?", Lily looked at him confused.  
"Dumbledore founded it.", Remus explained. "The members of the organization fights against Voldemort and his soldiers.'  
"Yes, but lot will die until he falls." James mumbled for himself.  
"I have the impression we are no longer talking about Dumbledore's worries", said Remus cautiously.  
"What's going on, Prongs?" Sirius asked, his eyes seeking for James's.  
James turned his head and, for a moment, he looked at Lily.  
"Uh… I have to go anyway", she said when she understood what he wanted.

Lily couldn't sleep at all. It was almost midnight and she was staring at the snow globe she got from her aunt for her birthday. Her thoughts were somewhere else, far away from the dormitory, far away from Hogwarts. She was thinking about Voldemort, the more and more powerful wizard who wanted to get rid of the Muggle-borns, what is more, the Muggles themselves. She didn't fear for herself, not at all. Not like she thought she could overcome such a strong wizard, but she didn't matter. She feared for her family. They were all innocent; the whole magic thing was none of their business. What if Voldemort happens to kill them? What's then? What would she do after that?

She couldn't bear tossing and tumbling in her bed anymore, so she put on her negligee and quietly opened the door. Her slippers were clapping loudly as she went down the stairs. Sparks were still crackling in the fireplace, the small flames drew gloomy shadows on the wall of the Common Room. Lily stepped to the couch in front of the fireplace and wanted to sit on it, but somebody was already there.

"Hey", she said quietly.  
Lily's greeting gave James a start as he was lying on the couch. He turned his head to Lily and sat up.  
"Hey", he answered, making place for Lily. "What are you doing here so late?"  
"I might ask you this", she replied, taking a seat next to him. "I couldn't sleep."  
"Same here", he nodded looking at his clasped hands.

They stayed quiet. Only the silent, almost imperceptible ticking of James's watch could be heard in the room.  
"You know", James started after a few minutes, "I didn't even wish you a happy birthday."  
"That's okay", Lily said, playing with the edge of her negligee.  
"No, that's not. I didn't even get you a present."  
"I don't care", she shook her head. "There's nothing I would need at the moment."

She turned to James. He was staring at her behind his glasses. It wasn't embarrassing at all. Lily felt as if they had been created to sit there, next to each other in the Common Room, just in front of the fireplace, where only a few embers illuminated their faces. These thoughts made Lily's eyes looking at James's. Those hazel eyes were like a pair of shiny, brown gemstones. Somehow, she could remember the words of the jeweller she went to with her father to buy a medallion for her mother's birthday about four years ago: 'You know, young lady, brown gemstones always act as a grounding force and promote stability and clear thinking. That is why they are so precious.'  
They really made her stable and she could think clear. Maybe this is what all of James's fangirls like about him so much, she thought - his eyes.

She blushed and looked under the hazel eyes. The dark shadows deepened since afternoon.  
"Listen", said Lily, "you should get some sleep. You'll be exhausted tomorrow."  
"Funny thing you're talking about this when you're also sitting here", he said with a poor excuse of his old, charming smile.  
"James, I noticed you didn't sleep for at least two days now.", she said. James's smile turned into a real one. "What? What are you grinning at?"  
"It's just… you called me James."  
"It was a slip of the tongue.", Lily replied quickly. "But you shouldn't change the subject", she pouted even though she was the one who asked him first.

James's face turned to an anxious expression again. He released a deep sigh and rubbed his face tiredly under his glasses.  
"Do you remember what we were talking about after you and Remus came back from the meeting with Dumbledore?", he asked, taking off his hands of his face.  
"How wouldn't I?"  
"Well…", he started cracking his knuckles. "The resisters… you know, my parents are among them. And… I guess Dumbledore decided to restrict a few things because… I handed him the letter I got from my uncle. It was about…" James's voice trembled for a moment and he had to start the sentence again. "My parents got captured by the Death Eaters."  
Lily looked at him horrified. Even though it wasn't about her parents, this thing shocked her.  
"Maybe it's nothing to other people", James went on, "but Dumbledore realized this is the beginning of something terrible. He told me he would rescue them, but… it's so hard to sit here without being able to do anything. I wish they took me into custody instead of mum and dad."  
"James…", Lily whispered with watery eyes.  
"Sorry, I didn't want to bother you with my problems", he said, turning his eyes to the window.  
"Oh, come on", she pulled herself closer to him. "You didn't bother me."  
James lowered his head. He took off his glasses. He was blinking rapidly and wiped his eyes with the back of his left hand in which he held his glasses. Lily reached out for his right hand and took it in both of hers. James turned to her with a surprised look on his face. Lily blushed a little bit again but took a deep breath and glanced at him.  
"You know what? We will solve this together."


	10. The plan is afoot

**The plan is afoot**

"Couldn't we talk in a more hidden place?"  
The hiss came from the half-length, black, greasy haired boy with the hooked nose. Lily frowned and crossed her arms in front of her chest.  
"I want a single answer, Severus."  
Severus released a furious breather and grasped Lily's right arm.  
"Hey, what are you doing?!", she screamed angrily.  
"If you want answers, you'll give me something in return", he answered, without any emotions reflecting on his waxy complexion.  
He dragged Lily to a shadowy corner.  
"Get off me!", she flailed.  
"Fine."  
Severus pushed Lily away. She lost her balance for a moment, but she looked at him with pure hatred in her eyes when she regained it.  
"What do you want?", he barked.  
"Where are the Potters?"

Severus gave her a surprised glance.  
"What made you care about that ignorant moron so suddenly?" he tried to make a grin, but it turned out to rather be a snarl. "Maybe you should check your pumpkin juice in the mornings; _Amortentia_ is a pretty sly potion."  
"You sure know its effects", Lily retorted, "otherwise who on earth would be still talking to you?"  
Severus turned on his heel and wanted to go away, but Lily shouted at him:  
"Severus Snape, you come back here right away!"  
He rolled his eyes but obeyed the command.  
"Look, I won't make anything easier for your _boyfriend_.", Severus sputtered.  
"He's NOT my boyfriend." Lily sighed indignantly. "Okay, forget it. I'll figure something out without your help. Sorry I wasted your time."  
Now it was her turn to go away.  
"Wait, Lily."  
"What?" she asked disgustedly.  
"I will answer your question.", he said, lowering his head. "But only if you promise me something."  
"Why should I?", Lily turned to him distrustfully.  
"Because… just because, okay?" he looked at her irritated. He took a deep breath. "If I tell you where the Potters are, you have to promise me you won't tell anybody I let the information out."  
"I'm not an idiot, Severus." Lily said. "I wouldn't tell anyone."  
"That's not all." Severus glanced at her from the corner of his eyes. "You have to… you have to…"  
"What do I have to do?" Lily asked impatiently.  
"Justbecareful." Severus gabbled. Slight blush shinned up on his cheeks. Lily looked at him astonished but didn't want to comment the situation. "They are at the Black house. At Grimmauld Place."

Lily dropped her jaw. "What did you say?", she asked shocked.  
"You heard me. Now, I have to go."  
He pulled the strap of his bag higher on his shoulder.  
"Severus?"  
"Hm?"  
"You won't tell anybody, will you?" Lily asked with begging green eyes. "Please, say you won't tell them."  
Severus gulped. A strange mixture of sadness, worry and anger reflected in his black eyes.  
"I won't.", he replied.  
He didn't wait for Lily to thank him, but turned around and hurried after the other Slytherins. Lily watched him disappear in the crowd and felt like a huge rock first fell down from her heart and right after that, another came. Why does she have to draw on Severus? Why couldn't they have been the friends they had been before?

Lily headed back to the Common Room after she talked to Severus. She felt quite troubled because of Severus's look when he said he wouldn't tell anybody.

She stepped into the round room to see a bunch of girls buzzing around one of the couches like annoying flies around a piece of rotten meat. Lily screwed her face disgustedly, but overcame the urge of throwing up seeing the fans of James and Sirius, and went closer.

"Guys", she raised her voice so that it could be heard over the silly giggling. "Guys, we have to talk."  
"I'll take care of all of your wishes, my queens, but now you have to leave.", Lily heard Sirius from somewhere under the fingers covered in nail polish. She rolled her eyes.  
The girls made disappointed sounds but soon after they got lost. Sirius looked in the direction of where a blonde fifth year went. He sat with one of his long legs on the couch, his right arm resting on the back rest. James had a very exhausted and worried expression on his face as he tensely sat next to his friend. Remus was sitting in the armchair on the right but Lily didn't notice him until now, because the fangirls covered him just like they did with Peter, who sat on the floor.

"Did you talk to him?" James raised his head when Lily approached them.  
"Yes, but…"  
"Did that wimp tell you?" Sirius turned to her.  
Remus closed his book and took it down to the table.  
"He did, but…"  
"What's wrong, Lily?" Remus inquired.  
She bit her lower lip. Either way, Sirius would learn the truth, so there was no place for lying or reticence.  
"Sirius, I don't know how many family members you have", she started playing with her fingers, "but he said they were at the Black house, at Grimmauld Place. That's what he said."  
All four of them looked at Sirius. He became petrified for a moment, but he immediately changed his expression to inattentive.  
"Well", he smacked at his thigh and grinned, "that means I'll have to pay my dear parents a visit."

"Padfoot, you don't have to do this", James told him seriously.  
"No, that's okay, Prongs", he shook his head. "What can happen?"  
"A lot of painful things we don't want to get through", Remus answered.  
"Don't be such a pessimist, Moony", Sirius looked at him. "I'm their son, after all. They won't kill me, will they?", he shrugged.

They were all quiet for a few moments, but then Lily crossed her arms and asked:  
"What do we do now?"  
"We'll rescue them." Sirius replied as if it was a matter of course.  
"Wait", said James with a hoarse voice of tiredness. "Lily, you'll stay here."  
"No way", she shook her head and gave him a determined look. "If someone stays here, that'll be you. You look like someone put you in the washing machine and took you out after you had fully dried."  
"I'm ashamed to say that, but she's right, mate", Sirius told James.  
"Anyway, Lily can't come", Remus stated.  
"Remus!" Lily spat at him.  
"I'm sorry", he answered, "but it's just too dangerous."  
Lily released a furious sigh. "I'm so fed up with you guys telling me what's dangerous and what isn't. I'm older than most of you, only Sirius is older than me!"  
"It's not about your age…", James started, but Peter cut in:  
"Why don't we let Sirius decide then?"  
"Peter, this is a…", Remus turned to him, but Lily raised her head and said:  
"Marvellous idea. Yes, we should let Sirius decide it."  
"Padfoot" said James quietly but threateningly.

Sirius looked at Lily, thoughtfully playing with his tongue inside his mouth. He stretched his arms out and shrugged.  
"Let her come."  
"Are you mad?", James leant to him.  
"It was a very irresponsible thing to say.", Remus shook his head at the same time.  
Lily ignored him and James who tried to convince Sirius to withdraw his decision. "So, how do we start?"  
"First off, one of us has to stay here if someone happens to look for us", Sirius leant forward, his fingers drumming on his chin. "Prongs, that should be you."  
"I hope you didn't mean this", James grumbled.  
"You're right, I didn't. Wormy?"  
"If you don't mind", he trembled.  
Sirius nodded approvingly.

"And how are we going to get there?" Remus asked.  
"Oh, I was thinking about it", Lily replied. All four of them looked at her curiously. "On the next Hogsmeade weekend we break away from the other students and since there isn't an Anti-Disapparition Jinx on the village, we can easily Apparate to Sirius's house."  
"You know, there are three problems with this plan", James said. "The first is that we can't Apparate."  
"I can", she replied. "We'll do Side-along Apparition."  
"Fine." James nodded. "But we can be easily traced, you know that, right?"  
"If we bring this thing off, everyone will know we got out of Hogwarts. At least, Dumbledore and McGonagall surely will."  
"That's true", said Remus, "but we should be escorting the students. What are we going to tell them when we just disappear?"  
"Well…", Lily started but didn't know how to answer.  
"While Miss Know-It-All is thinking", Sirius took the floor, "I suggest sneaking out of the castle at night instead of a Hogsmeade weekend."  
"What?" Lily turned her head to him quickly. "How?"  
James, Remus and Peter looked at Sirius as if they were waiting for him to explain it away.  
"You'll see", he grinned. "Tomorrow night."


	11. Night of the reckless

**Night of the reckless**

Lily, James, Sirius and Remus huddled together under James's Invisibility Cloak.  
"Where exactly did you get this Cloak?", Lily asked.  
They were sneaking on the Hogwarts grounds, towards the Whomping Willow.  
"It's inherited in our family.", James whispered.  
"You wore it when… when we were in the Hospital, didn't you?", she inquired.  
"Yes, we did, Evans, but would you stop questioning us when we're on such an important mission?", Sirius hissed.

Lily shut her mouth and mutely followed them under the Cloak. She had no idea how they would get through the Willow's flapping branches, but she didn't dare asking it - they were still too close to the castle and the boys might have sent her back.

"I'll be right back", said Sirius, he slipped out of the protection of the Cloak and transformed into a large, black dog.  
Lily watched him amazed while he ran under the branches of the tree. The plant suddenly froze as if Sirius immobilized it.  
"C'mon", James whispered.  
They headed to the tree under which Sirius stood in his human form. There was quite a big pit between its roots. Remus stepped out of the cover of the Cloak and descended. Once he stood on the bottom of the hole, he stretched his arm to help Lily.

Soon after they all were in the duct-like abyss. They lighted their wands.  
"Where does this lead?", Lily asked quietly.  
"To the Shrieking Shack", James replied.  
"To the _what_?", she looked at him with her eyes wide open. "There are ghosts in that…"  
"It's me", said Remus, creeping with his head down. "The noises. I make them when I'm in my… monthly form."  
"Oh."

Hogsmeade was completely different at night. The bustle Lily always met at weekends obviously wasn't there and the silence was ominous. Lily didn't mind being tightly close to the boys, but she wouldn't have admitted that she was a bit scared.  
"Are you ready?" James leant closer to her.  
Their noses almost touched. Lily nodded.

"Okay", she sighed. "12 Grimmauld Place it is then."  
She reached for Remus's hand under the Cloak. He grabbed her hand firmly. On her other side, long fingers sought for hers. The pleasantly warm palm touched her cold hand and they held each other's hands. Warm skin embraced the cold, fingers filled the space between the other's.

Lily felt safe for a moment. But Sirius slightly pressed her shoulder and it made her realise what they were going to do. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the address. She turned on her heel and the familiar vacuum-like space surrounded them. Lily gasped, but a moment after, she felt solid material under her feet.

"We can take this off", Lily heard James's voice.  
She opened her eyes. They stood in front of a huge house. James released her hand and pulled the Cloak down of their heads. They stepped on the porch of the house.  
"Only a direct descendant of the Black family can open this door", Remus replied to Lily's unsaid question about what security spell protects the house.  
The lock of the big black door clicked to Sirius's touch. They quietly stepped to the half-lighted, narrow hallway. Remus closed the door. Stifled voices sounded from the end of the corridor. Lily didn't understand what they said and she wanted to ask what was next but stayed quiet - she didn't want to be busted.

Sirius beckoned to them and headed to the door at the end of the corridor. As they got closer and closer to the door, the voices started to get louder. Lily's heart was beating in her throat. Sirius took the next corridor on the left. There was a spiral staircase at the end of it. Lily, James and Remus followed Sirius down to the basement.

Sirius stopped in front of a door. The air was much colder down there than upstairs and Lily felt the damp sticking her hair to the back of her neck. Sirius sighed and went closer to James.  
"Prongs", he whispered, "try to stay calm, no matter what you'll see."  
James gave him a tough and dedicated look. Sirius comprehended what he suggested with his eyes and grabbed the handle of the door. They stepped into a dark, cave-like room. It was illuminated by the light of two wands. Lily didn't see anything at first, but they moved deeper in the basement.  
"Tell us where it is!"  
The shout came from the woman standing with her back to them. She had long, dark, curly hair, as Lily could see. The man next to her was tall and had broad shoulders. Two figures sat on the floor in front of them. They were bound with ropes around their bodies. One of the prisoners seemed to be a woman with shoulder-length hair; the other one was a man, who appeared to be unconscious - at least, his head rested on his chest. The woman looked up to their captors.  
"I won't tell you anything."  
The woman who stood over her raised her wand and was ready to strike when Sirius stepped forward and nodded to the two prison guards:  
"Hello, mother. Father."


	12. Save your hide

**Save your hide**

The woman turned to them so quickly that only a blurry shadow could be seen. The man wasn't so fast, but he also looked at the four teenagers.  
"Sirius!", Mrs. Black shouted, pointing at them with her wand so that she could examine them.  
"James", whispered the woman on the floor.  
Lily almost forgot about him, though his shoulder touched hers and he was constantly trembling - either with anger or cold.  
"Release them!", James shouted and lunged abruptly to the Blacks.  
Two wands were raised at the same time. One of them was Mrs. Black's and red light jumped out of it. The other wand was Lily's who cried frightened: "_PROTEGO!_"  
The shield spanned in front of James and the Full Body-Bind Curse glanced off of it.  
"DON'T YOU DARE HURTING MY SON!", Mrs. Potter screamed and with one single kick, she floored Mrs. Black.  
In that moment, all hell broke loose. Mr. Black slapped Mrs. Potter in the face with his bare hand. The thwack was terrifying.

The sound that came from James wasn't human. With a loud growl, he dashed against Mr. Black. Mrs. Black stood up with her hair in her face. She wanted to attack James, who hit Mr. Black in the face, but Sirius shouted at her:  
"_Stupefy!_"  
The woman fell over and lost her consciousness. Sirius lowered his shaking hand.  
"Sirius…", Lily whispered.  
There was no time to talk about what he did. The door swung open and four people entered the basement. The first of them was a woman, who looked very much alike Mrs. Black, but she was younger and Lily could see something in her eyes which made her creepier: she looked like she was insane. There was another woman behind her. She had long, blonde hair and blue eyes but she could have been the other's sister. The two other people were two men.

"Remus, watch out!", Sirius bellowed just in time. Remus ducked so the curse that came from the blonde woman's wand avoided him.  
"What is our dearest cousin doing at home?", asked someone.  
It was the crazy woman and she stepped closer to Sirius.  
"What a sorrow it is to see you again, Bellatrix", Sirius replied and they started an instant wand-fight.  
"Step back, Lily", Remus told her and raised his wand.  
He could easily disarm the hefty man behind Bellatrix. Not only his appearance seemed to be half-troll, but Lily was almost sure his IQ was below fifty.

Just when Lily could draw this conclusion, someone grabbed her from behind. A strong arm twined round her neck. She snapped at the hand. She could barely breathe.  
"Shut your mouth or else you'll die", someone whispered in her right ear.  
She could feel the man's wand between her ribs.

Lily tried to bite the man's arm and kick him in the leg while she watched the fight between the others. James sloshed Mr. Black who lurched but raised his arm and, in the split of a second, his fist was in James's face. The boy collapsed.  
'James!', Lily wanted to shout, but only a dim voice came from her mouth.  
Mr. Black wiped the blood off his face and started to look for his wand which rolled away on the floor.

Lily looked around like crazy. She wanted to indicate Sirius or Remus to prevent Mr. Black from cursing James. She wasn't the only one who cried their names - Mrs. Potter did the same thing. The woman alternately shouted for the boys' and cried for her son.

Sirius and Remus couldn't go to James's relief because both of them were in the middle of a duel. Sirius tried to defeat his cousin, Bellatrix and the hefty man. He could stupefy the wizard, but the woman seemed to be eager to kill him.  
Remus fought with the blonde woman who appeared to be quick and very skilled in Dark Magic.

Lily had about enough of watching the fight. She gathered all her strength and kicked her captor in the ankle. The man yelled, but Lily could escape from the clench of his arm. She rushed towards James and pulled out her wand.  
"_Stupefy!_", she screamed and Mr. Black passed out as well as his wife did.  
Lily crouched down next to the unconscious James. She took his head in both of her hands.  
"James!", she called. "James, wake up!"  
"Release me!", screamed Mrs. Potter.  
Lily entirely forgot about her. She took her wand and cut the ropes with a Severing Charm.  
"Take care of my son and husband!", the woman looked her in the eye once released.  
"I will", Lily nodded.

She watched Mrs. Potter jumping to Sirius and his enemy. She knew the woman was about fifty-two years old, but she didn't behave like a middle-aged person. She was full of energy and quick to act - it was because she was protecting her son, her family, Lily thought. With Mrs. Potter's help, Sirius severely wounded Bellatrix on the torso. The woman shrieked and ran out of the basement as fast as she could. James's mother hurried after her.

Sirius disarmed the wizard who had captured Lily earlier. The man had a mid-back length, almost white hair. He wasn't too old, only up to twenty-three.  
"Narcissa!", he shouted for the woman Remus fought. "Narcissa! Let her go!"  
Lily had no idea what he was talking about since the woman was the one who didn't let Remus go.

Narcissa screamed with anger and ran after Bellatrix. Sirius and Remus followed them.  
"James, wake up!", Lily started trying to sober him again. She didn't feel safe with three knocked out dark wizards around her. "Please, wake up!"  
She looked up the ceiling in the dark. Only the light leaking in from outside meant some kind of illumination in the room. Lily didn't know when she started to cry. James's heart was irregularly beating under his shirt and he was breathing, slowly, but surely. His eyes though, they were shut and didn't move under his broken glasses. The eyes that were always smiling and the eyes she could see being sad so many times in the last months. She pushed her forehead against James's chest and angrily grabbed his shirt with both of her hands.  
"I can't lose you again", she whispered sobbing.

The moment after, Lily felt fingers under her hair. She quickly lifted her head up. James was blinking with his eyes half open and a very faint smile hovered over his lips. Lily looked at him with happily shining eyes.  
"James!", she shouted with relief.  
Lily wreathed her arms round James and hugged him.  
"I'm so happy I am able to see you again, Lily", he mumbled into her hair and hugged her back. "Wherever I had gone, I would have missed you."


	13. Always by your side

**Always by your side**

Sound of approaching footsteps tore Lily and James apart. Mrs. Potter turned up in the basement again. She was followed by Sirius and Remus.  
"James!", the woman screamed and sank on her knees next to his son. "Are you alright, sweetheart?"  
"I'm fine", replied James and he sat up. "Is dad… he was just stupefied, was he?"  
"Oh, yes", she sighed. "_Rennervate!_"  
Mr. Potter batted his eyelids confused. He could slowly understand what was going on around him.  
"Darling", he stammered, looking at his wife. "What happened?"  
"I'll tell you everything at home", said Mrs. Potter and stood up.  
"Where are the other Death Eaters?", Lily asked Remus.  
"They Disapparated", he answered.

Lily glanced at Sirius. The boy was staring at his parents on the floor. James and his mother and father were too busy with reuniting, so only Lily and Remus could notice his conspicuous silence.

She stood up and stepped to him. She put her hand on his shoulder patronizingly.  
"We should revive them", she said quietly.  
Sirius raised his head as quickly as if he just had noticed the girl, and then he nodded.  
"But we have to bind them first", he said hoarsely.  
"Do you want me to do it?", a soft, deep voice asked.  
James stood in front of Sirius.  
"No", Sirius shook his head. He raised his trembling right arm which stayed stable once it was in the air. "_Incarcerous_."  
Ropes twined around the two unconscious bodies. The Blacks took the Potters' place.

Mrs. Potter helped her husband and they stepped behind Sirius. As if the protection of the five friends had given him enough strength, Sirius broke the Stunning Spell on his parents. After a second of awakening, Mrs. Black started screaming and Mr. Black was hollering while both of them were struggling to escape. But the ropes tightened around them strongly. Sirius put a nonverbal Silencing Charm on his parents. The two Blacks looked at their son furiously. They looked like mortal enemies, Lily thought, not like they were each other's flesh and blood at all.

"I only took the spell off of you", he started in a strong voice, "to tell you something. I would have never thought you can be disappointed so much in people you've hated such a long time ago. I haven't loved you for years just like you haven't loved me. That's why I decided not to come home anymore about a year ago. I said you could throw out my stuff if you wanted to, so that you wouldn't have to remember your traitor child. You have another who obeys you blindly after all, don't you? I feel sorry for Regulus, because he doesn't have the sense, but I won't toe the line. I didn't know where I would live after I had left this damn house, but Mr. and Mrs. Potter welcomed me in their home. They love me as if I was their son. And no mistake, they don't love me as you did, giving me food and a shelter and educating me to their aberrant ideas, but they really care about me. This was the last time I ever let you go. When I meet you next, one of us will be dead in the end."

Mrs. Black's eyes became as round as two side plates. She gawped something mutely which reminded Lily of Sirius's name.  
"Goodbye", said Sirius, closing his speech.  
'_Sirius, no!_', Lily read off Mrs. Black's lips.  
But Sirius was already about to get out of the basement as well as the Potters.

Lily looked back at the two parents for a moment before Remus started pushing her gently outwards - Mrs. Black bent almost to the floor and screamed silently, the veins could be visible under the skin of her neck and her tears were streaming down here face like black brooks. That was the last thing Lily could see before Remus closed the door, leaving the Blacks in complete darkness.

The depressing silence was even more unpleasant in Hogsmeade when they arrived with the help of Mrs. Potter. It might have been due to the weight of the recent happenings they had just undergone.  
The woman, though all of the boys were taller than her, looked so strict, she wasn't funny at all.  
"Go back to Hogwarts on the same way you got out of there", she told the four kids. "I would rather have Apparated you to your beds right away, if I could have. James, I will be waiting for your letter tomorrow morning about whether you could have made it to the castle unharmed and you should include the details about how you got to London, okay?"  
"Of course, mum", James nodded.  
"Sirius", Mrs. Potter turned to the boy. Her strict features softened and she glanced at him with a motherly look on her face. "I would like you to know we are proud of you. It was a very serious thing you told your parents and I hope you did not mean it. Although, I understand you and love you, just as you said."  
"Thank you very much." Sirius gave her a faint, shy smile Lily had never seen on his face.  
"We would be happy to see all of James's friends at our house, naturally", she smiled at Remus and Lily, and then she hardened her look. "But only during school breaks!"  
Lily smiled. Mrs. Potter ran her finger through her light-brown hair which was flecked with grey, and jumped to the four of them. She opened her fragile, slim arms wide to hug all of them.  
"You were so brave", she said quietly. "No matter how angry I am with you for risking your lives for us, I have to say thank you."  
They started mumbling, but Mrs. Potter released them and wiped her tears off her face.  
"And now, make it snappy! I don't want to see you again until Easter!"  
She kissed James on the cheek and sent them off.

Lean figure stood in front of the oak doors when they reached the castle.  
"Professor Dumbledore!", Remus shouted with surprise.  
"We just…", Sirius started, but Dumbledore raised his hand and stopped him.  
"I know about it", the headmaster replied. "I have relationships strong enough not to become aware of cases like this. No matter how tired you seem, as a headmaster, I have to tell you off. Yet I believe, the punishment you will get from Professor McGonagall will touch you much more than mine. This means you go to your beds right now."  
Dumbledore opened the door and directed them to the safe and homelike Hogwarts Castle.


	14. Bright days

**Bright days**

The alliance concluded silently between Lily and the boys became even tighter since that night, either because of the happenings or the detention they shared.

Remus behaved as kindly as before, only the hours spent together in the library turned into a bit more confidential pastimes. James started to be nicer and nicer to Lily, she formulated the thought several times that maybe, but only _maybe_ he wasn't so childish anymore. But whenever she raised this idea in her mind, he always did something stupid as if he had heard Lily's thoughts and wanted to falsify them right away.

One of these occasions happened in the middle of breakfast. Sirius was telling blue jokes to James and so he almost spoilt Lily's appetite. After a particularly indecorous one, James's pumpkin juice flew out of his nose. Lily felt totally disgusted so she stood up from the table to go to Charms class. 'At least, not he is the one to tell these stories', Lily thought, 'that's something.' Exactly at the moment, James cracked the most scandalous joke of the year and so he earned Sirius's loud laughing, pieced with snorting. It was more than what she could bear, so Lily left. She would have been listening to Binns rather than the pornographic jokes of the boys.

The most curious behaviour however was Sirius's from all of them. Sometimes he was absolutely normal and near kind. But some other times, he was Lily's biggest enemy.

For example, when Peter accidentally pushed the four thick books Lily was carrying to the library out of her hands, Sirius crouched down and collected them. However, when they finally rested on Lily's arms again, he quickly pulled out his wand and shouted:  
"_Duro!_"  
Before Lily could throw the books away, they transformed into a bunch of extremely heavy stones. The stones pulled down her arms and knocked loudly on the floor. Lily clattered her teeth with anger.  
"Hey, Evans, did you know red doesn't fit you too much?", Sirius asked with a smirk. "Especially on your face!"  
Lily took a deep breath and lunged to Sirius. His eyes became round with surprise and he ran to the other direction.  
"SIRIUS BLACK, YOU TROLL-BRAINED, STUPID IDIOT! I WILL TURN YOUR HEAD INTO A CABBAGE!"  
"Yeah?", Sirius shouted back, "Then catch me if you can before that!"  
Sadly, the chase couldn't last too long, because Sirius suddenly stopped on the corner of the corridor. Lily didn't know why, so she took her wand and casted an Oppugno Jinx on the pack of a first year Hufflepuff's Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. The beans targeted Sirius's head and attacked him. Unfortunately, Sirius really had a reason to stop - at the moment the beans reached Sirius, McGonagall stepped forward behind the wall of the corridor and she didn't manage to avoid a few sweets.

Not only did she become fully paralyzed, but Lily too. McGonagall seemed so furious; Lily thought she would snap her. The Professor approached her and said with a trembling voice:  
"Detention, Evans. From this day for a week. At five o'clock in my office."  
Sirius couldn't repress his laughter. McGonagall turned to him. The boy was blinking at her with innocent eyes.  
"And you too, Black.", McGonagall added. "Fifty points from Gryffindor."  
"But why?", Sirius asked indignantly.  
"_Sixty!_ And more if you continue on being so childish! Do you want to bring more shame to your House, Black?"  
Sirius stared at her with immense anger in his eyes.  
"No, Professor", he mumbled finally.  
McGonagall continued on her way saying something that sounded like: "Wasn't one detention enough?"

On the third day of detention Lily and Sirius had the task of scrubbing the blown up rat spleen off the tables in the Potions classroom. It was almost as disgusting as cleaning the Owlery's ground floor on the first day.  
"This is all your fault", Lily grumbled while trying to scrape the dried potion ingredient off one of the chairs. She didn't forget to mention this to Sirius whenever they met during this week.  
"You threw Every Flavour Beans at McGonagall.", he replied every time. "If you hadn't done that, we wouldn't have to do all this stuff."  
After a few minutes of silent scrubbing and rubbing, Sirius spoke again:  
"Who are you taking to Slughorn's party?"

Lily stopped for a moment. She forgot about the next Slug Club. Her Potions professor arranged a party at the weekend. He only mentioned to take someone with them, but Lily was sure no one would go without a 'date'. She had someone in mind, but she blushed immediately whenever she thought about him.

"No one", she replied and started to scrub again.  
"No one?", Sirius inquired. "You won't go?"  
"I will. Alone."  
"Everyone will be laughing at you", Sirius said.  
"This is none of your business. You shouldn't care about who will be laughing at me."  
"Well, of course I should!", he spat at her. Lily turned to him surprised. He looked at her a little bit embarrassed. "I mean, everyone knows you hang out with us a lot recently, even if we don't want you to, so you'd just spoil our reputation."  
Lily was still puzzled.  
"I don't know what you wanted to achieve with this", she said, "but it was quite a lame reason and I haven't changed my mind."  
"At least I tried…" Sirius mumbled, but Lily managed to hear that.  
She didn't dare asking what he tried.

Lily was thinking about the approaching event as if it was the biggest thing in her life. She was totally determined - she would go without a date. What can happen? Yes, Sirius was right, everyone will be laughing at her, but she could show how an independent, single woman can live her life like others do.

Even she didn't think this feminist idea seriously.

Even though she considered not going at all or telling Slughorn she was sick, she didn't want to back up after what she told Sirius.


	15. Slug scandal

**Slug scandal**

On Saturday, at seven o'clock, Lily was ready to go to her Potions professor's party. She wore the forest green, satin, frilly, short sleeved dress robes her mother bought for her during the summer holidays with a pair of green moccasin shoes. She pinned up half of her hair. She didn't want to make a huge fuss about her clothes and look, but she didn't want to look like she didn't even care about them either.

Only at the middle of the way to Slughorn's office did Lily notice the air was a bit chilly in her pretty robes. She didn't want to be late so much so she continued on her way.

A lot of people were bustling in Slughorn's office. Just as Lily assumed, there were a lot of couples. She squared her shoulders and raised her head proudly. Some people greeted her and she greeted back, but then Slughorn caught her:

"Miss Evans!", he shouted. His nose was already a bit red from the amount of mead he had drunk so far. "I was afraid you wouldn't come! Such bliss it is to have you among us!"  
"Uh, thank you, professor", she mumbled.  
"Come, Miss Evans, have a drink!"  
"No, I wouldn't…"  
"Oh, of course, you would like to!", Slughorn belted happily.  
He gave Lily a glass of Bungbarrel Spiced Mead and shepherded her to the middle of the room.  
"I would like to ask the rest of the Club's members to join us for a group photo!", he bellowed.

The others said goodbye to their dates and gathered around them. A man stood in front of them with a camera. Lily tried to look happy and smiled kindly. After the photography was taken, Slughorn turned to the members of the Slug Club.  
"I am deeply sorry for we couldn't have organized this party at Christmas. As you may know, I was terribly sick. Please, enjoy yourselves on our little late party which you can consider as a Valentine's Day get-together."

The members said thank you and they spread again. Lily stood there alone. She looked at the mead. She didn't want to drink all of it, but sipped a little bit of it. Just when she wanted to gulp it, she caught the sight of James. He wasn't alone - he escorted Isabella Slinkhard.

Lily almost spat the sip. She could contain herself, so she started coughing. James turned his head to the direction of the sound, so Lily quickly ran behind the curtain. She looked at Isabella's arm under James's. She felt a sudden urge to drink the rest of her mead - or maybe a glass of Firewhiskey.

She swigged off her glass and crept out of her hiding place for another glass of wine. Unfortunately, she couldn't get lost, because James and Isabella stood in front of the door, chatting jovially with Slughorn. At least, Isabella was chatting, her blonde hair floating around her. It was the most annoying thing Lily had ever seen.

After three more glasses of mead, Lily felt awfully dizzy and very happy at the same time. She hid behind the curtain again, and since she couldn't stand on her legs anymore, she sat on the floor. Lily took her wand and conjured a lot of birds. The birds seemed to be drunk like their caster. Lily giggled at the yellow canaries.

She didn't know how long she had been sitting on the floor behind the curtain. All of a sudden, someone appeared in front of her and grabbed her right arm.  
"Lily! Stand up!"  
She tried to concentrate on the face of the voice.  
"James!", she shouted when she finally recognized him.  
"Come on! You will catch a chill."  
"This…", Lily hiccupped, "This place is perfect… hic… for me."  
"No, it's not", James replied.  
He reached his right arm, placed it behind Lily's back and pulled her off the floor. She had to lean against the window to save her balance.  
"How many glasses of mead did you drink?" James asked. It seemed that he had fun, examining Lily.  
Lily looked at the glasses on the floor. She had double vision so she couldn't count them. She crossed her arms and answered:  
"A few."  
"Come on, I'll try to sober you", James grinned at her.  
He held Lily's hand and pulled her out of her hiding place. They sneaked into Slughorn's bedroom. Once they were in there, James closed the door.  
"Don't you… hic… think it's a bit… hic… rude to lurk in someone's… hic… bedroom?" Lily asked, wobbling in the middle of the room.  
"Either it is or not, we have no choice", James said.

Lily stumbled to the bed and thudded on it. James went to the little sink in the corner and took a glass from the shelf. He turned the faucet on and filled the glass with water.  
"We should inform your date about your location, don't you think?", he inquired meanwhile.  
"I don't have a date", she answered.  
James frowned and handed Lily the water. She drank it, but it didn't help her - she was just as tipsy as before.  
"You came alone?", James asked.  
"Yup", Lily nodded.  
"I thought you were joking when you told Sirius you would come alone", he sat next to her.  
Lily stretched her arms and lay on the bed. James placed the glass on the small table under the window.  
"Nope, I wasn't", she replied. "Anyway, why…hic… do you care about it?"  
James didn't answer immediately. Lily closed her eyes and at the moment she would have fallen asleep, James said:  
"He asked you about this because I asked him to."  
"What?", Lily inquired.  
"I was hoping you would ask me to come with you", he answered.  
Lily frowned.  
"Are you telling me this because… hic… because you think I'm drunk?", she looked at James.  
He smiled at her.  
"I don't think you're drunk, Lily. I know it straight from the horse's mouth."  
"Well then, you're information are false", she retorted more slowly than she wanted. "You can go now. You fulfilled your duty as… hic… the cool guy, so now you can go back to Isabella. She must be missing you."  
Lily tried to compress as much malevolence in her tone as she could in her current state.  
"I'd rather be watching over you", he replied.  
"Why?" Lily took her bearing on her elbows and looked at him a little bit more sober than up to now. "You didn't come with me. You came with her. I'm sure you had a reason to it."  
"Yes, I had", he turned more to her so his words were more emphatic. "She asked me to come with her and I didn't want to reject her, since _another_ member of the Club didn't want me to escort them."  
"Are you talking about me?", she sat up.  
"If you really want to know the answer, then yes."

Lily looked at him with surprise, disguised by anger. Her head was almost clear.  
"I didn't ask you", she explained, "because I didn't want to took away the chance from other girls. I thought you might have wanted to come with someone… with one of your romantic interests."

James tried to repress his smile but he burst into laughter in the end.  
"Did anyone tell you how horrible liar you are?", he asked laughing.  
Lily grimaced disapprovingly and a bit offended. She stood up but she was still unstable and fell back - to James's arms. She wanted to stand up again, but James held her strongly.  
"You are beautiful even when you're drunk", he smiled at her.  
The distance between their noses was about five inches. It was quite confusing. Lily looked James in the eye.  
"_Do you know your eyes are like hot chocolate right now?_", she gabbled.

Dead silence fell between them. James was so surprised he couldn't say a thing and just stared at Lily with a soft but happy smile on his face. And there was Lily, who was entirely frozen.  
"Merlin, now I wish you were always drunk!", James whispered and his smiled turned into a grin.  
"Shut up", Lily replied on a very low tone of voice.  
"Or else?"

But James didn't wait for Lily to reply. He just pulled her closer and kissed her. And the most surprising thing in all of it? Lily didn't start screaming, shouting, fighting and didn't punch James in the face. She kissed back, put all of her heart in it and pretty much enjoyed the situation. Maybe it was the mead, maybe it wasn't, neither of them knew, but they didn't even care. It was only the two of them, lips on lips, hands on waists, chest against chest, fingers in the locks of hair. It was the sweetest thing they had ever experienced. Yes, it was perfect…

…until Isabella opened the door.


	16. All the world's a stage

**All the world's a stage**

When Isabella opened the door on them, she wasn't the only one to see Lily and James in the intimate pose they sat on the bed. It's true her hand was to press the handle down, but Slughorn and all the rest of the present guests were standing behind her. The stunned silence was broken by the tipsy professor:  
"Well, well! I forgot to close the door of my bedroom! How silly I am!"  
The petrified people seemed to move again all at once. Lily stood up holding up to James's arm. She tried to avoid Isabella's look.

"Who did not taste my crystallized pineapples yet?", Slughorn bellowed. "They are the finest quality in Europe!"  
The crowd understood the poorly disguised call. They dissolved in a minute, buzzing; only Isabella continued standing there frozen.

"Isabella…", James started, but the Ravenclaw girl raised her free hand and silenced him.  
Lily, still blinking at the floor, approached the door to leave them alone. Isabella however, didn't let her go. Instead, she stepped in front of her and stared at her face. Isabella's eyes were watery with rage.

Lily forced herself to look her in the eye at last, but in that moment, a loud snap sounded, and her face was burning. James made a noise, but didn't dare saying anything. Isabella's hand stopped in the air after the slap. She stepped out of the way and opened it to Lily, who was pressing her palm to the red spot on her face.

Lily stepped out of the room and before she could have looked back, the door slammed. She ran out of Slughorn's office and collapsed on one of the low window sills on the corridor, crying.

She was totally sober - either due to the slap, or the seriousness of the situation. She wouldn't have even care if Filch had caught her. She just felt vile for making a pass in a room at someone who was separated from their (occasional) date only by a door. She didn't have too much time for sobbing and self-pity, because soon Isabella dashed out of the office, without even taking a look at Lily. The door couldn't have been closed before James walked out of the room.

Lily stood up. She didn't want to see him. She didn't want to talk to him. But she had no power to run.  
"Lily!", James called. "Wait up!"  
He caught up with her easily. James placed his hand on her shoulder behind her. Lily took a deep breath.  
"Lily, are you all right?", he asked quietly.  
She closed her eyes, swallowed her tears and turned to him. Her eyes were full of sadness, shame and anger when she opened them again.  
"I'm not", she shook her head. "And I hope you aren't either."  
"What do you mean?", he asked, but he looked like he already knew the answer.  
"Don't pretend to be so stupid!", Lily hissed and shook his hand off her shoulder. "We shouldn't have done that. You came with Isabella! You deceived her! She might have thought you'll be dating her after this party and all that she got compared to her hopes was you, making out with another girl!"  
James blinked at her astonished.  
"Are you saying it was my fault?", he asked.  
"I didn't say that!", she spat at him with her eyes watery again. That was one thing she was crying until then, but she had no intention of doing so in front of James. "It was both our fault. But you shouldn't have let me do anything like that! I was drunk!"  
"Do you hear yourself?", he leant to her frowning. "Firstly, you can't blame me for not stopping you because 'you were drunk'." He stepped closer to her, his nose almost touching hers. "Secondly, you can't think I'm so stupid as to skip the chance of kissing you. Gosh, Lily, I wanted to do this for years! Wasn't it obvious enough?"

Lily looked at him pouting, as if she almost began to cry. James's words were like a sharp knife, thrust into her heart. She would have rather hit him in the chest and ask him not to let her go, ever again. But Lily Evans was a strong girl and resisted the temptation. She took another deep breath to prevent her tears streaming down on her face.

"Well", she started in a trembling voice, "maybe it was a sign. Maybe we shouldn't get too close to each other."  
"What?", James stared at her. "No, we… no! It doesn't make any sense!"  
"Doesn't it? Didn't you notice, whenever we're kind to each other, something bad happens? We can't make each other happy. I don't want to do this. We should just stay friends."  
James pursed his lips and gulped. He was breathing heavily, as if he had run a mile in the last few moments.  
"We didn't even try…", he mumbled with resignation.  
"And that's the way it has to be", Lily replied.  
"How do you know that?"  
"I just feel so. There's no point in arguing about this."  
James sighed and said:  
"I will never give up on you."  
Lily smiled at him softly.  
"I hope so.", a small teardrop slipped down on her cheek. "Good night, James."  
Before she took the next corridor on the left, she heard James shouting: "DAMMIT!"

The thing that the case happened on Slughorn's party cropped out didn't do anything good to Lily Evans's reputation. On the one hand, she was said to be an alcoholic, stupid chick. On the other hand, almost half of the girls at Hogwarts took a dislike to her because she 'passed' at James Potter. They didn't say a thing about how James tried to pick her up for years on end, in fact, they seemed to forgot about it.

In contrast, James's reputation had grotesquely grown. This was due to the fact that his fangirls weren't willing to accept that he was the one to initiate that particular kiss.

Lily started to more and more like the fate of the old cat lady Sirius had formerly been harassing her with. Maybe she wouldn't have to deal with things like that if she lived the life of a lonely, poor hag.

Even though she told James she would better stay friends with him, she tried to avoid him whenever she could. Not only because of the malicious comments she thought she would have got, but because she was a bit embarrassed for what they told each other, too.

On Monday when she was on her way to D.A.D.A. class, she came across Isabella. Two emotions fought inside Lily: she wanted to apologize to her and run away from that corridor right away. Neither of these won, she just continued on her way to the classroom while Isabella and two of her friends were approaching. At the moment they were near enough to Lily, a slight but firm voice could be heard:  
"Bitch."  
Isabella and her friends didn't even stop, but Lily did. She blushed with anger and shame and turned to them.  
"What did you say?", she raised her voice.  
Isabella stopped too. She turned her head to Lily, with one eyebrow raised. She looked at Lily scornfully.  
"Are you deaf?", she asked.  
It felt like she was snapped in the face again - Lily was petrified for a moment. But then she gained all her strength and stepped in front of Isabella.  
"Wasn't it enough for you to punish me once?", she hissed to Isabella's face.  
"What are you…", started one of the other girls, but Isabella stopped her with her hand just as she did with James on that night.

Isabella walked closer to Lily. They were about the same height, maybe Isabella was one or two inches taller. This made Lily feel uncomfortable.  
"I gave you a slap", Isabella said quietly. "That's nothing compared to what you gave me. You humiliated me in front of thirty people. And one of them was a teacher. And if it wasn't enough, you took _him_ from me." She didn't have to say James's name, both of them knew who she was talking about. "I don't think all of this could have been put in that single slap."  
Lily almost told Isabella to hit her again. Anything would be better than hearing the ugly truth. She felt guilty, the guiltiest person in the world.  
"What do you want from me?", Lily whispered.  
Isabella smiled and shook her head as if she thought Lily's question was silly.  
"Nothing", she replied. "Nothing would be a better punishment than the eyes that despise you, the glances that know every filthy detail. I won't have a revenge on you. You yourself will."  
With a last smile, Isabella turned on her heel and went back to her friends, leaving the broken, hurt soul behind her.


	17. And all the men and women merely players

**And all the men and women merely players**

Where to hide?

This single question echoed in Lily's head after her paralyzed legs could have been moved. She rushed over the floors and stairs, bumping into people. After the sound of the bell, almost everyone disappeared. Only a few, late students were running to their classes.

Lily had no intention of following them. She went up to the Gryffindor Tower and stepped into the Common Room. Just as she wished, no one was there. She climbed to the armchair in front of the fireplace.

Two cats appeared in the Common Room, the black Ragamuffin cat with the white vest of fur on its chest chasing the Russian Blue one. The black cat noticed her owner and stopped playing. She curled her long-haired tail as if she was asking what the problem was.  
"Come here, Domino!"  
The cat jumped on Lily's lap. She mewed quietly and looked up at her. Lily looked at the beautiful, different coloured - one of them blue, the other green - eyes. She wanted to smile at her kitty but she couldn't. Domino started purring and rubbed her head to Lily's arm. She demanded petting.

Lily didn't notice when she started crying - but when she did, she made a note in her mind about how whiny and hypersensitive she had become during the last few months.  
"You will never hurt me, would you?", she whispered to Domino, who answered with a satisfied breather.  
In the deepest, tearful self-pity, Lily didn't notice when someone entered the room.  
"What are you doing here?"  
Lily lifted her head to look at the other person. It was Sirius, in a worn-out, faded black T-shirt and a pair of pyjama pants. He was standing at the bottom of the staircase which led to the boys' dormitories.

"Nothing", she replied sulkily and wiped her red eyes.  
"No point in trying to hide you were crying", Sirius said indifferently. "I'm not blind."  
He stepped to the couch next to the armchair and sat down. Domino raised her head and gave him a short hiss. Sirius took out the most doggish growl he had. Domino mewed offended and jumped down to the floor to go back to playing with Mary's cat, Sergei.

"Shouldn't you be at Charms?", Sirius asked.  
"I should", Lily sniffled continuing on wiping off her tears. "And you should, too."  
"I didn't feel like going there", Sirius shrugged. "And you didn't, either, as I noticed."  
"It's just…", Lily started, but Sirius cut in:  
"I didn't ask you to tell me what's wrong."  
Lily couldn't decide whether his tone was insulting or understanding, but she didn't even care. Things like that were parts of the mystery called Sirius Black.  
"I know", she said. "But I have to tell someone."  
Sirius nodded. "Then do it."  
"I… I assume you know what happened at Slughorn's party."  
"No living creature exists in this castle that doesn't know about it. Including your cat."  
Lily didn't want to fight with him because of his unconcerned behaviour and she didn't even feel like she could have.  
"I encountered Isabella on the way to class. Just now."  
"Did she slap you again?" Sirius inquired.  
Lily shook her head.  
"It was worse", she whispered as if she would have started to cry again if she rapped it out loudly. "She told me that my conscience will have vengeance on me. That my own mind will ruin me. Not with these words, but I felt like this was what she wanted to tell me."

Lily looked up at Sirius. He was still sitting on the couch with a careless posture but his eyes showed he was listening - not only with his ears, but his heart, too.  
"She reached her goal to make me feel like the filthiest, the most disgusting thing in the world", Lily went on. "I'm not blaming her. She was right. I didn't know I could do something so disgraceful. I know it was James who initiated the whole thing, but I should have rejected him. I was just not strong enough to do so. And now I can't look him in the eye. I can't look _anyone_ in the eye, even myself. Everything was my fault."  
Lily's chest hurt as if someone hit her. She never felt so miserable. She wanted to scream, she wanted everything to come to an end - the sense of guilt, the tears, this life.

Sirius stood up from the couch and Lily thought he would just left her there with all of the sorrow he was listening to until then. But Sirius stepped to her and reached his right arm forward. Lily looked at it, and then looked up to his blue eyes. When she didn't move, Sirius took her hand and lifted her up from the armchair. They stood in front of each other, Lily a head shorter than him. It may have been an embarrassing scene if she wouldn't had opened to Sirius so much. From the outside, they looked like two lovers, but neither of them felt like that. Neither of them cared about the crackling fire or the noises which may have come from the playing cats.

Sirius pulled Lily closer and gently hugged her. It was surprising at first, but Lily needed it. She thought she would have fallen apart if Sirius hadn't held her, so she grabbed his T-shirt and closed her eyes, sobbing. She felt like her big brother taking care of her, the big brother who knows how to protect and comfort his little sister. The big brother, who would do anything just to see her smile again.

And Sirius felt the same way. He wanted to tell Lily that everything was going to be all right, that it wasn't her fault, and that she wasn't that bad as she thought. That he never felt such a brotherly love towards Regulus as he felt in connection with James and Remus… and now her.

"You are one of us now", he said quietly, stroking the long red locks of hair on Lily's back. "And I won't let anyone hurt the ones I love."


	18. What goes around comes around

**What goes around comes around**

Lily Evans felt like the happiest person in the world. She was sitting on a bench under a blooming oak tree. It was a sunny, warm day and she was reading a very exciting book. A slight spring breeze ruffled up her dark red hair. Soon a big, dark cloud came and it started raining cats and dogs. She couldn't make it to the castle with dry clothes, but she didn't even have to. Tall figure was jogging to her direction. He wore his uniforms which were wet from the rain. His black hair was sticked to his forehead. One second later he stood in front of Lily. He smiled brightly and Lily could see his hot chocolate-like brown eyes through his glasses full of raindrops. She smiled too, she knew he came for her and she was not mistaken: James leant to her, took her face in both of his hands and pushed his lips against hers. The rain was falling onto them but they didn't deal with it, they were just kissing, kissing like two people who were completely in love with each other.

And then, Lily Evans woke up.

She was heaving, her heart was beating very fast and her nightgown was damp. She sat up in her bed and ran her fingers through her hair tensely. She had never had such a dream, neither of James nor of any other guy and it made her upset.

And of course the other thing that didn't let her rest was James's presence in her imagination. Why would she have such dreams about him? She wasn't in love with him or something! That was just ridiculous! Her and James! What a stupid idea.

However, she was thinking about their kiss at Slughorn's party way too many times. She tried to repress the warm and knee-trembling feeling she got every time she saw him, and in order to completely stop this thing, she didn't talk to him at all.

Even though she was fighting against her hormones, James seemed to avoid her, too. In fact, he seemed to avoid all of his best friends.

"What the bloody hell is his problem?", Sirius squinted to the direction of the door at the end of the Great Hall, where James just dashed out through.  
"He's been behaving like this for three days now", Remus stated. Though he didn't say anything bad, Lily and Sirius exchanged a few suspicious glances.  
"I saw him talking to Isabella Slinkhard the other day", said Peter. He thought this information didn't matter and swallowed a spoonful of his porridge.  
Lily turned pale and her hand stopped over her pumpkin pie.  
"What did you say?", she asked petrified.  
"They all say there's something between them", Remus confirmed and put his copy of the Daily Prophet down. "Honestly, I don't know how much to believe. James doesn't like girls like Isabella. She seems to be cocky."  
"You think he doesn't like girls like that?", Sirius smirked as he looked up from his plate. "And what about Amy Morgan? She was pretty much his…"  
Lily cleared her throat and smiled at Sirius with a smile sharper than a blade.  
"…his worst decision", Sirius finished his sentence. "He doesn't like Isabella at all."  
"Maybe it's nothing", Peter looked at them. "James has always been a bit strange."  
"Strange, huh?", Lily turned her head to the door, thinking.

Sirius promised Lily he would talk to James after hours spent with begging. So at five o'clock, Lily went down to the Quidditch pitch to see how Sirius would be questioning James after their Quidditch practice. It was very cold out there. Lily was waiting for Sirius next to the door of the changing rooms. She hid behind a tree for the case if James was to come out first.

She didn't have to wait for so long and someone appeared - though not at the entrance of the changing rooms, but on the path that led to them. It was Isabella; she looked like a veela with her floating, blonde hair, straight nose and big, blue eyes. She was so much more beautiful than her, Lily thought. She watched her going to the changing rooms.

Lily went closer to the door and peeked into the room. James stood with his left arm around Isabella's neck. They were facing Sirius.  
"I know you don't think it seriously, mate", Sirius said. "And you shouldn't fall for his lies, Isabella."  
"What are you talking about?", Isabella straightened her shoulders and grabbed James's fingers which hang loosely from her shoulders. "He told me he was wrong to waste his time for that Evans-girl. He admitted he's always been in love with me."  
Sirius grimaced.  
"Is this true, Prongs?", he asked.  
"Absolutely!", James approved. "Come on, Isabella, I don't want to be surrounded by people who can't accept my feelings."  
Lily pressed her back to the wall tightly. James and Isabella didn't notice her when they left.

Lily was heaving with shock. All of this was so out of the blue, she didn't know whether to cry or scream hysterically until the painful feeling in her chest disappears. Sirius stepped out of the changing rooms, shaking his head. He turned to Lily.

"He's just gone mad", he said. "I don't know what has gotten into him, but I hope it's not infectious."  
Lily glanced at him, trying to stay calm. She couldn't.  
"Oh, come on, Lily!", Sirius spat at her. "Don't be so gloomy!"  
"You heard what she said", Lily replied in a low tone. "He was wasting his time for me."  
"And that's true", Sirius shrugged. "He was always so into you and you didn't even care about him. You hated him. You would've done anything to get rid of him a few weeks ago and now you're jealous of Isabella. I must think you're in-"  
"I'm not!", Lily shouted before Sirius could have said what he wanted. "It's just that I didn't think he could get over me so fast. He said…"  
"He said what?", Sirius inquired.  
"Nothing, forget it."

Sirius sighed and started on his way to the castle. Lily followed him.  
"Okay, if this will cheer you up, he didn't mean what he just said.", Sirius stated. "At least, he didn't like what Isabella told me. About the 'nobody accepts my feelings or whatever' part… I guess that was true."  
"How can you be so sure about it?", Lily asked sulkily, but a bit merrier.  
Sirius raised his eyebrow with fake surprise on his face.  
"Are you kidding?", he blinked incredulously. "I've been like his girlfriend for six years, except for the snogging-and-all part."  
He was so serious, Lily couldn't help laughing out loud, even though the aching cramp was still somewhere inside the left side of her chest.


	19. A Beginner's Guide to Heartbreaking

**A Beginner's Guide to Heartbreaking**

It was four days ago that Lily overheard the conversation between James, Isabella and Sirius. Since then, she had nightmares. Nothing like her and James kissing, not at all. The main character was Isabella and every single time Lily imagined her as a veela. In her nightmares, Isabella wasn't a regular, seductive and incredibly beautiful veela, but the frightening, furious type of it. She had pointed and dangerous fangs and she was rattling James's name.

Lily was distracted every day and very sleepy because of the lack of sleep - she didn't dare closing her eyes again once she woke up from her nightmares. She had dark shadows under her eyes and her hair lost its shine.

"You look sick, Lily", said Remus on Thursday, while they were studying in the library. At least, Lily tried to study. "You should go and see Madam Pomfrey."  
"I'm all right", she glanced at him and smiled unconvincingly.  
Remus was staring at her with his X-ray-like eyes. Lily knew he would be pestering her until he guesses what her problem is, or until Lily becomes fed up with his questioning, so she didn't even try to resist.  
"It's because of James, isn't it?", he asked.  
"No", Lily replied, but both of them knew this wasn't true.  
"I don't understand why you guys have to maul each other all the time.", he shook his head. "You're violating your own feelings. I don't think it's normal."  
"Welcome to my world, Remus, where _nothing_ is normal", Lily grumbled.  
"This is not okay. You should just get together already and live happily ever after, for Merlin's sake!"  
Lily looked at him astonished. Remus would have never said something like this if he hadn't been _very_ upset. In fact, Lily never even heard him talking like this and she doubted he would have done so before.  
"Forgive me, Lily, but you're both idiots", he continued smouldering. "No one can put this thing in order except for you two. And if you don't intend on talking to each other hereafter, you'll die from intense self-pity." He stood up with a thick book under his arm. "So now you go and talk to him, understood?"  
"Remus…", Lily started, but he narrowed his eyes furiously.  
"I said now! No objection!"  
With these words, Remus walked away.

Remus was right. Lily knew she would have to talk to James, she wasn't completely stupid, but it was very hard for her to take the first step. So when she was on her way to lunch, she knew where she would find James and Isabella. There was a small corner not far from the Great Hall, where the lovers could have some time for each other every once in a while and they could stay covered from the teachers. Lily felt like throwing up just from the thought of that place but she had to do this. She faced six Death Eaters who wouldn't have minded killing her and now she only had to face two of her classmates. Only a coward would have run away, but not Lily Evans.

James and Isabella were indeed in that corner. Lily took a deep breath and approached them. James sat with his face in his palms as if he was bored or extremely tired. Isabella was philandering with him and James didn't seem to enjoy the situation, but Lily did all the more.

"What are you doing here?", Isabella asked with a grimace on her face when she spot Lily.  
James raised his head. He was surprised for a moment, but he overcame his astonishment right away. He grabbed Isabella's waist and pulled her to his lap.  
"Yes, what are you doing here, Evans?", he inquired.  
Lily felt a strong hit in her stomach. The fact that James called her on her surname and the hateful look in his eyes almost made her cry.  
"I would like to talk to you", she replied so quietly that it almost couldn't be heard.  
"I have some important business right now, just if you couldn't see."  
"Bye-bye, Evans", Isabella smiled at her sweetly.  
"I have to talk to you!"  
Lily shouted so loud, a second-year Gryffindor jumped from fright.  
"I see you won't leave us alone until I'm talking to you", James sighed and pushed Isabella down from his lap.  
Maybe the move was a bit tougher than it would have had to be, because Isabella frowned. Lily felt so uncomfortable she didn't even gloat over it.

She didn't have an exact plan on what she would say or where they would talk, but fortunately, the second problem seemed to be solved when she found a hidden cupboard. The situation was very similar to the former occasion when they were arguing in the broomshed. Lily thought it might have been an omen, but she dismissed this idea from her thoughts. James followed her to the cupboard reluctantly, with his wand lighted up.

They stood in front of each other for a few seconds. Lily opened her mouth to tell him she changed her mind and didn't want to talk to him, but James spoke first:  
"I know what you want to tell me."  
"You do?", Lily asked astonished.  
"Yeah", James nodded. "And I'm okay with it until you're okay with that I'm dating Isabella."  
"What are you…?", Lily started, but James cut in:  
"It just would've been better if you'd told me about it together."  
"James, uh…"  
"I told you. It's okay. But I thought I would've deserved some explanation instead of hiding it as a secret. You and…"  
"James, I have no idea what you're talking about!"  
Now it was James's turn to be surprised.  
"Of course you do", he said. "I'm talking about your relationship with Sirius."  
"WHAT?", Lily shouted with dismay. "I have nothing to do with him!"  
"You don't have to deny it, I told you", James stated, but his voice wasn't so determined as it had been before.  
"I'm not denying anything!", Lily spat at her. "What the heck made you think we were together?"  
"I saw you!", James straightened his shoulders.  
"No, you didn't", Lily grimaced.  
"You were… you were hugging! In the Common Room!"  
Lily stood quiet. She thought about those few moments when Sirius comforted her when they only heard the crackling of the fire and the noises that came from the… that came from James?

James looked at her with victory and a bit of sorrow in his eyes. Though Lily wasn't sure about the latter.  
"Oh gosh", Lily sighed.  
"You can't explain it away now, can you?", James raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms in front of his chest.  
"James… You misunderstood it. That was because Isabella was rude to me when I met her on the corridor. She was right but I was all cracked up. I went to the Common Room because I wanted to be alone, I didn't know Sirius skipped D.A.D.A. too, I swear. He was there and I told him everything and he comforted me. That's all. You know I wouldn't get together with him. He's a jerk."  
"I saw you after Quidditch practice on Sunday, too. You seemed to enjoy his company.", James said.  
"Are you surprised?", Lily leant forward. "I overheard what you were talking about. Do you think I liked that Isabella said you think you wasted your time for me? He tried to cheer me up and I'm sorry, but he managed to."  
"So he managed to…", James repeated. His arms fell down on the two sides of his body. He lowered his head. "He managed to cheer you up when you were cracked up. And I've never done. I see."  
"You see what?", Lily asked. She didn't know what was so wrong in what she said that it made James feel so down.  
"I understand why you said we can't make each other happy.", he answered. His voice was hoarse. "I only make everyone's life miserable. Isabella's. Yours. Mine."  
"I didn't say that", Lily whispered ashamed.  
"I'm not blaming you", he looked at her. His eyes were like two bottomless lakes. Lily would have liked to hug him until he feels better. "Your words just made it clear. I don't want to play with Isabella anymore."  
"What do you mean?", Lily asked and she suspected something bad.  
James grinned sarcastically. This grin seemed to punish him emotionally.  
"I thought I could make you jealous if I pretended to be dating her.", he said. "I don't feel anything for her. I wanted you to feel the same thing I felt when I saw you and Sirius."  
"You exploited Isabella?" Lily glanced at him with a bit of contempt. She couldn't help thinking about how disgusting it was to do this to Isabella. To anyone.  
"Pretty much", he nodded. "And that's only because I believed what I saw and didn't ask neither of you about it."

Lily felt sorry form him until this moment, but now she felt nauseous. That poor girl believed everything; she thought James was in love with her. Isabella told her some very mean things, but Lily couldn't contradict them. Isabella was deceived - doubly.

"Don't you want to shout at me?" James asked and gulped. "Hex me? Hit me? I guess I deserve all of these."  
Lily wanted to answer, but the feelings that came to the surface from the bottom of her brain completely silenced her. She opened the door of the cupboard and dashed out of it. She wanted to do only one thing: she wanted to punch Remus in the face for forcing her to talk to James.


	20. Forgive me my trespasses

**Forgive me my trespasses**

James Potter was an arrogant, boastful, stupid, hateful, disgusting cockroach.

At least, that's what Lily _wanted _to think of him. But the more she was thinking about the awful happenings in the painfully near past, the more she thought the biggest victim of the whole thing was James. But looking at the matter as an outsider, he obviously wasn't. No, it was Isabella and Lily tried to apologise her face to face, but the girl didn't appear at meals and classes either after James broke up with her.

James was still upset because of what happened, but he didn't avoid his friends anymore. Though he wouldn't even have had to - Sirius, Remus and Peter didn't ask him why he was so gloomy, thus Lily assumed he told them about everything. At the table only James and Lily were quiet, the others were chattering in a carefree manner. No matter how he tried to hide his feelings, Lily could catch a few worried glimpses from Remus. In the end she didn't punch him in the face but she was absolutely sure the boy was blaming himself for advising her to talk to James.

Lily was sitting on an especially boring double History of Magic class. She was doodling on a piece of parchment and sometimes raised her head to yawn. She wasn't alone with this kind of attitude, half of her classmates were sleeping (Sirius was even snoring), the others were suffering silently, except for Remus, who took one or two short notes from time to time. Lily's head almost fell to the table when a folded slip of parchment landed on her open book. She frowned and looked around to guess who that was from. Considering that James was the only one around her she talked to daily, it wasn't too hard to recognize the jumbled letters. The writing seemed to be a poem, most likely a self-written one, at least, that was what Lily thought about it when she saw the bunch of struck out words.

_Sorry for being such a fool,  
Deceiving you wasn't cool.  
I know I shouldn't have done so,  
I shouldn't have hurt you, although  
You were pretty rude to me,  
Saying you'd prefer friends to be  
And turning your back to me._

_But I'm not blaming you for it,_  
_I'd like to apologise, I guess it'll fit._  
_So I'm sorry, Lily, believe me,_  
_It's truer than that I hate pea._  
_Write back, it's a now or never,_  
_You don't want me to harass you forever,_  
_Answering would be very clever._

Lily was staring at the parchment. She didn't know if she would have liked to laugh at loud or be surprised at how cheerful James's poem was about something so serious as this case. In the end, she plunged her quill into her bottle of ink and wrote:

_I hope you know that 'me' can't rhyme with 'me'. That's not a proper rhyming form._

She threw the piece of parchment to James. He read it, smiled at the letters and wrote back.

J: _I'm not a poet. But apparently, my poem was good enough to make you talk to me again._  
L: _Don't have false hopes. Anyway, what's up with the apologize? Why now?_  
J:_ Do you remember what my mum said when she Apparated us back to Hogsmeade?_  
L: _That she wanted to Apparate us right to our beds?_  
J: _Not that part… about Easter. Nevermind. I got a letter from her this morning. She wants the three of you to visit us. Peter said he can't come, but I hope you can. Remus said yes. Please?_  
L: _I don't really know, James… What if anyone gets to know about it? This case was more than awkward, I don't want another one._  
J: _Oh, come on! Everything will be all right! None of us will tell anybody!_  
L: _I'm not sure about Sirius._  
J: _He won't. Or else I'll silence him for ever._  
L: _I don't know._  
J: _It's just three days. You come on Friday and go home on Sunday. Simple as that._

Lily looked at James. His eyes were begging and his mouth formed the word 'please'. She sighed and wrote back:

_Okay. Fine, I'll go._

As James read the letter he lifted his head and flashed one of his most charming smiles at Lily.

Even though she tried to contain herself, Lily was unable to sit in one place. The days she spent at home didn't seem to come to an end. She was constantly arguing Petunia and helping her mother to prepare for the holiday. She tried to finish everything before Friday, so that she wouldn't have to come home early before the holiday starts.

Finally, the day had come. She was ready and standing in the bus stop with her travelling bag. The way to the Potter house lasted more than an hour. But when she stood in front of the gate, she felt it was worth it.

Lily stood on the pavement; her hand was holding the travelling bag convulsively. She was staring at the building. She knew James's family was rich, but she didn't suspect they were so wealthy. The house was a two-storey one with a huge yard around it. The grass was freshly mown and almost as emerald green as Lily's eyes.

Lily gulped but placed her free hand on the handle of the gate made from wrought iron. She pushed it and went along the pavement which had rose bushes on both of its sides. She reached the door. She took a deep breath and pressed the doorbell. Pleasant melody could be heard but at the moment it started, the door opened and James smiled at her widely.

"Hey", Lily greeted.  
"Hey", James greeted back. "Come in."  
James took the travelling bag off of her hand and headed back to the house. Lily stopped on the porch for a moment. She felt she shouldn't have been there. She shouldn't have got so close to James somewhere outside school. She didn't want to admit even for herself, but she was afraid she would do something very indecent if she was locked up with him without almost any supervision.

But then she looked at James. He kept smiling and was standing in the hall, waiting for her. The sight of the ruffled up black hair, the chocolate-like eyes behind the glasses and that kind look on his face were enough to weaken her. Lily stepped inside and closed the door behind her.


	21. A storm is coming

**A storm is coming**

As soon as Lily stepped into the house, pleasantly familiar female voice could be heard from one of the rooms:  
"Who's that, son?"  
Lily went farther, she was following James. Mrs. Potter shouted from the kitchen, she could have barely even seen with her tiny size from behind the counter which separated the dining room from the kitchen.  
"It's me, Mrs. Potter", Lily said in a trembling voice. "Lily Evans."  
Mrs. Potter turned on her heel; she had a wet dish cloth in her hands.  
"Lily!", she shouted smiling and jumped to the girl, hugging her. "I'm so happy you came! I would've gone mad with four guys around for a whole weekend."  
"Thank you very much for the invitation", Lily smiled down to the woman.  
"Oh, it's not a problem", Mrs. Potter waved her hand, and then turned to her son, who was about fourteen inches taller than her. "Jamie, dear, show Lily her room."

Lily was so surprised about the name Mrs. Potter called James, she almost burst into laughter. Not like it was so funny that his mother calls him 'Jamie', but James turned red immediately.  
"Mum, I told you not to call me like this", James muttered tremendously embarrassed.  
"All right, all right", Mrs. Potter stopped the ado. "Now, let's go and then come down and help your father."

James turned and approached the stairs. Lily was following him silently. Five doors opened from the corridor on the floor. James opened the third door.

It was a pleasant place with clean furnishings and furniture in neutral colour. James put Lily's bag down, next to the bed.  
"This is the guestroom", he said.  
"Looks good", Lily replied, although it was only politeness. To fill the silence, she asked: "Where's Remus going to sleep?"  
"We prepared dad's study for him."  
"What does your dad do?"  
"He's an Auror."  
"It must be very exciting."  
"Well, yeah", James ran his fingers through his hair nervously to ruffle it up on the back of his neck. Maybe she was hallucinating, but Lily thought James started to regret inviting her. Or maybe he just couldn't handle the situation. They both felt awkward.

"Errr, I'll go and help dad", James said finally.  
"And I'll check if I can help your mum."  
James looked at Lily for a moment as if he had thought it wasn't a good idea. But in the end he didn't say anything, just dashed down from the stairs.

Lily returned to the kitchen.  
"Can I help you?", she inquired while James rushed out to the yard.  
"That would be very good", Mrs. Potter smiled at her thankfully and tucked a lock of hair sticking out from her ponytail behind her ear. "These vegetables should be sliced to the salad. My knives are capricious; I don't dare using a charm on them."  
Mrs. Potter gave Lily the knife, the chopping board and the cucumber she was working with and jumped to the cooker. Lily was chopping obediently.  
"What's Mr. Potter has to be helped with?", she asked.  
"Oh, he just set the shed on fire again." Mrs. Potter replied, not even looking up from the sauce over which she waved her wand, so the sauce started stirring itself on the fire.  
"He set it on fire?", Lily blinked at the woman astonished, and then looked out of the window. The shed was indeed burning; Mr. Potter was extinguishing the fire next to the building. James put one of his hands into his pocket and held a hose in the other one, trying to put out the flames.  
"It happens on a weekly basis", said Mrs. Potter. Lily was still blinking amazed while continuing chopping. "My husband is unfortunately not cautious enough when he's examining the objects confiscated from dark wizards. Arson has become a part of his job description by now."

Lily didn't know how to deal with Mr. Potter's pyromania, but since neither Mrs. Potter nor James thought this case was strange, she tried to overcome her astonishment in connection with the situation.  
"Where's Sirius?", Lily asked James, while they were laying the table ten minutes later.  
"He insisted on waiting for Remus at the station", he replied. "He likes being a dog. I suggested him several times to stay in that form."  
James grinned at her.  
"I'd support the idea", she grumbled, folding another napkin under the cutlery. But something didn't let her rest despite the jovial chatter. James wanted her to be there so much and now he was treating her a bit cold, almost indifferently. "James, I wanted to ask you…"  
"Yeah?", James looked at her from the other end of the table when she fell silent.  
"Is there something wrong?"  
James put down a plate and straightened his shoulders. Lily believed to see him clenching his fist.  
"Wrong?", James echoed. "What do you mean wrong?"  
"Well…"  
But before Lily could have told him what was bothering her, barking could be heard from the direction of the door.

James turned pale; fright could be seen on his face. He jumped to the door.  
"Are you insane, Padfoot?!" Lily could hear James's angry whispering. "Do you want my parents come to know about it?!"  
"Since when have you been so gutless?" Sirius asked carelessly. When they passed by the dining room, he noticed Lily. "Oh, hey, Evans."  
"Hey, Lily!" Remus smiled at her.  
"Hey!", she waved to them.  
Mrs. Potter fleetingly welcomed Remus, and then apologized and rushed back to the kitchen where - as she claimed - the scrubbing brush was scrubbing the pots so heavily, it scraped their surfaces. Before the boys disappeared from earshot, Lily could hear their choked whispers:  
"How is it?" Remus inquired.  
"It's well… quite well", James replied but his voice was a bit more high-pitched than usually.  
"Are you sure, Prongs?" Sirius asked. "Maybe we should show it to someone."  
"No!" James spat at him. His voice was moving away. "Everything's going to be all right until…"  
Lily couldn't hear the rest of it, but she was very curious. She would have followed the boys if Mrs. Potter hadn't put her hand on Lily's shoulder.  
"Lily, dear!", Lily jumped from fright. "Would you help me serving the lunch up?"

The lunch was spent in an extreme mood. Mr. and Mrs. Potter were interrogating Remus and Lily about their future plans, namely what kind of job they would like to have after graduating from Hogwarts. Remus told them he would have liked to be an Auror just like Mr. Potter, so they were chatting about the profession. Lily avoided the question politely since she had no idea about what she wanted to do after graduation.  
Meanwhile, James and Sirius were eating Mrs. Potter's tasty food stolidly, without saying anything. Lily had no doubt that they were hiding something. She suspected Remus was in the party too, but he kept talking to Mr. Potter for show.

Lily decided to unfold the case as soon as possible.


	22. Top secret

**Top secret**

Lily helped Mrs. Potter tidying the clean dishes away and in the meantime, she acquired a few cleaning spells. Once they were ready, Lily wanted to look for the boys, but she found Mr. Potter instead, standing in the middle of the living room with a wide grin on his face.

"We're going on a hike!", he shouted happily when he spotted Lily.  
"A hike?", Lily asked astonished. "James didn't tell me…"  
"I'm spontaneous" said Mr. Potter and then he bent down to pick up a dark blue backpack from next to his foot. "I already prepared the drinks. Only the snack and dinner are missing."  
"Dinner?" Mrs. Potter looked out from the kitchen. "Honey, it's only 1 p.m. Where do you want to go?"  
"Just to the little hiking hill in the near", replied Mr. Potter. "Nothing special."  
Lily saw Mrs. Potter raising her eyebrows.  
"We're leaving in an hour, put on some comfortable shoes until then!"

Lily went up to the stairs. She hadn't seen the boys since lunch. But when she was on her way to her room, she could hear their voices. She stopped for a moment and then crept closer to the door she suspected James, Sirius and Remus were talking behind.  
"We should stay here", said Remus on a choked voice.  
"No" James answered. "You shouldn't. _I_ should."  
"Don't you think it would be conspicuously suspicious if everyone went hiking with your parents except for you?" Sirius asked sarcastically.  
"I do!" James spat at him. Lily never heard the two best friends talking to each other like this. "And what do you think I should do then?"  
Remus's voice could be heard: "I found a charm that could possibly soothe it."  
"Then what are we waiting for, Moony?" Sirius asked. "Let's do it! I can do it, I'm over seventeen."  
"It's not that easy" said Remus. Lily thought his voice was full of worry. "To do this one perfectly, you have to have skills like Lily's at least."  
"I'm just as good as she is", Sirius stated.  
"No, you're not" James replied. "Lily has a very good sense for charms."  
"If you don't want to show it to an expert, we should at least ask her…" Remus said, but James contradicted him:  
"I don't want to bother her with it. You know her; she would want to be in this whole thing. I don't want to expose her to something like that." Lily raised her eyebrows. "Whatever. We'll see what's going to happen."  
Lily heard a slight crack of the floor, so she jumped from the door. But before she could have rushed into her room, the door opened and James stood in front of her. Lily stared at him white-lipped for a moment, and then stammered:  
"S-sorry, errr, wrong door."  
She didn't wait James to reply, she scurried into the guestroom.

An hour later all of them gathered around Mr. Potter. James was looking at Lily, but she didn't dare looking back.  
"Well then, let's go!" said Mr. Potter eagerly.  
The group stepped out of the house. The weather was exceptionally bright, sunny and only a bit chilly. It would have been a pity to stay inside indeed.

As it turned out, the "little" hiking hill was a smaller mountain; at least, that's what Lily thought about it. Fortunately, they didn't have to climb steep hillside, since a gravel-covered serpentine lead to the top. Yet the march was still exhausting. When they were walking for about an hour already, listening to Mr. Potter's constant report about the formation of the hill, its flora and fauna and the less notable events happened in the area, Lily noticed that the boys were lagging behind. She turned around to see where they are, while the Potter couple was marching forward ceaselessly.

James leant against the hillside, turning his head to the sky and he was taking a few deep breaths. Sirius was apparently trying to convince Remus about something. When they spotted Lily watching them, Sirius poked James. He pushed himself from the hillside. Sweat was shining on his forehead, he looked much more exhausted than the others, but he continued on his way and his friends followed him. The whole thing started to stink very bad for Lily.

Mr. and Mrs. Potter held an hour of halt. In contrast, James, Sirius and Remus held a lot more. Every one of their stopping was watched by Lily. She saw James was more and more tired. She wasn't sure he could make the road back.  
"It's especially important for us to go home in the dark", said Mr. Potter, standing on the top of the hill, when they had finally arrived. "This is the highest point of the town, so we can observe the stars in a full panorama."  
After that, Mr. Potter started on a very lengthy commentary about the stars, while the others - except for James - set to eating the sandwiches Mr. Potter packed for dinner.

Lily moved closer to the boys, who fell silent as soon as she approached them. Lily put down her ham sandwich.  
"I know there's something you don't want to tell me", she said.  
James and Remus stared at her silently, but Sirius reacted immediately: "Actually, there are an awful lot of things we don't want to tell you, Evans."  
"You're hiding something", Lily went on, ignoring Sirius's comment. "And not only from me, but from Mr. and Mrs. Potter too. What are you guys up to again?"  
Remus glanced at James and Sirius started eating his sandwich instead.  
"We'll tell you", said James finally. "But not now."  
"You're lying", Lily replied. "I can see it. You don't want to tell me neither now, nor ever."  
Remus unfolded his sandwich too.  
"I could help you with it", Lily tried again.  
"With what?" Remus looked up at her.  
"Please, don't think I'm so stupid, Remus", she rolled her eyes. "I know you noticed I was eavesdropping."  
"As a matter of fact, _you_ thought we were as stupid as not to notice that", Sirius said. Lily gave him a murderous glance. "But of course, it's only a question of detail."  
"If that charm really is so difficult, then I could try", Lily went on. "My wand is very good for charm work."  
"Worth considering…", Remus muttered quietly, as if he didn't even want anyone to hear it.  
"What do you think this matter is about, anyway?", James inquired. His cheeks were red, as if he had been very hot.  
"Well…", Lily cast down her eyes. "I thought it was about an unruly animal, which might have been even illegal to have at home. I thought you needed the charm to disguise it."  
Sirius burst into laughter; Remus smiled and gave Lily a glance which said 'you're so naive'. James grinned at her.  
"I'd like you to believe this for a while", said James.  
"Kids!" Mr. Potter shouted to them. "Look at the Venus!"

Lily took a shower with a bunch of questions in her head. Since they had got back from hiking, she couldn't talk to the guys and she felt more and more worried about their possible plans. She thought the boys hadn't been so secretive before. She turned to her side. Or maybe they had, she just never had been so close to the answers for her questions. But she didn't want to think about this. She just wanted to sleep herself out until morning, so she blocked all of the conspiracy theories and the whole secret-thing.

Lily closed her eyes, waiting for the sweet dreams that didn't seem to be coming.


	23. The dream foregone

**The dream foregone**

_Is it worth a tear, is it worth an hour,  
To think of things that are well outworn?  
Of fruitless husk and fugitive flower,  
The dream foregone and the deed forborne?_  
(Algernon Charles Swinburne: The Triumph of Time)

Lily was tossing and turning in the bed, still trying not to think about the secret. She turned her thoughts to another direction.

That was one thing she was currently at the Potters. And that was another thing, that she could hear the snoring from the room next to hers. Maybe it was Sirius or James.

Speaking of, what if she snores? Mary had never complained about it, but Petunia teased her several times with things like that. Almost none of these were true, but Lily couldn't be sure Petunia always lied to her. She didn't feel like listening to Sirius's mocking comments about her loud sleep patterns, so she tried no to sleep at all.

Interestingly, when she waited for it, the dream didn't came, but right at the time she decided to stay awake, tiredness started pressing her eyelids heavily. Not much time was needed for her to feel like being pushed underwater and soon after, she fell asleep.

Quiet crack woke her up in the middle of the night. Lily became petrified for a moment; her emerald green eyes were wide open because of the muscle-paralyzing, loud sound and they were scanning the thick darkness. Carefully, as if she had been still asleep, she turned on her back to look around. The room seemed to be empty. Well of course, the moonless night, of which the darkness could infiltrate even through the drawn blackout curtains, covered everything in black. Lily was still too dazed, so a few seconds later she fell asleep again.

Maybe only two moments were spent, maybe an hour, but the crack could be heard again. Lily opened her eyes but she wasn't afraid this time. She was so numb; she didn't even know where the end of her former dream is and where reality starts. Her head was very unclear; she couldn't convince herself about the crack to come from the natural moving of the house. She was almost certain she was dreaming.

The mattress moved under her leg even though she didn't do anything. The mattress sank and slowly, like a sluggish wave of the sea, the sinking crept up to her torso. Lily felt like being cradled and the dream took over the control.

Soft and warm thing touched her lips. The warmth spread to her: she felt it getting to her throat through her mouth, sliding down right to her chest where it broadened and entwined every inch of her body like a sprawling plant. Lily's heart was beating rapidly, even though she didn't even know if she was awake or dreaming.

Long fingers stroke her face and crawled between her red locks, holding the back of her head strongly but gently. The warmth came from somebody else's lips. Those lips were just kissing her kindly, as if they wanted to tell her everything.

Lily felt as if she was levitating in some kind of incorporeal state, her soul was lost in the ether, her moves weren't coordinated by her at all, a power beyond her put her weight on her elbows, so she could sit up in the bed.

Another hand, a left hand glided on her neck, its fingers touched her skin warmly. Lily felt the rushing blood pushing her artery to the palm resting on her neck over and over again. The kiss she was requiting involuntarily didn't come to an end, it didn't even seem like it would, ever. Only their heaving could be heard as the two sounds became one and they gushed out as a huge sigh. Lily's hand reached out blindly, her fingers touched skin just as hot as she felt under her hair, on her neck and on her lips. If she had caught a shirt, she would have grabbed that, but since there wasn't any, she touched a feverishly burning body. She touched the curve of a collarbone, and then her fingers eagerly slithered onwards and stopped on a taut, muscular shoulder. The fingers on the back of her head slightly grabbed her hair; Lily was trembling and she dag her nails in the soft skin of the shoulder. She smelled mildly spicy, bit mint scent.

Even though she didn't want it to end, the kiss stopped. Lily was heaving as if she had been walking a mile on the double. The hands fell off her neck and the hiding of her hair, stroking her arm and back fondly. In the almost black darkness she spotted two dots shining brightly not very far from her own face. She was completely sure she was dreaming. She had the most beautiful dream of her life. She was dreaming about James Potter.

The mattress lifted, but before James could have stepped from the bed, Lily reached to him and grabbed his hand.  
"Don't go!", she whispered so quietly, it couldn't have been even heard.  
"Are you sure you want that?" James asked on the same volume.  
If she was sure she wanted that? Lily asked herself and the answer was definitely _no_. She didn't want James to stay there with her for some more minutes or hours. She wanted him to stay with her forever; she didn't want to let him go anymore, she wanted to hear him breathing, to feel his touch, to see his shining eyes and to smell the scent of his shower gel from that moment on to the end of her life. She just wanted James to accompany her wherever she was going to go after that.

James might have misunderstood Lily's silence, because no matter how strong she was holding his fingers, he pulled them out of her grip. The floor cracked under his weight again.  
"James!", Lily called for him feebly. She grabbed the empty air with her arms. "James! James, come back!"  
The lock of the door clicked by the time Lily could have got out of bed, pulling the blanket down to the floor. She rushed after James, tiptoeing. She pressed the door handle and stepped onto the dimmish corridor.

There wasn't anybody on the corridor, only the ticking of the clock showed the passage of time. Of time, they lost because of Lily's stubbornness; of time they could have spent together. Of time which was mockingly pointing at her, humming into her ears: _"Less and less is still to come. Less and less for you to be with Him."_


	24. Doe and stag

**Doe and stag**

In the middle of the morning, Lily suddenly found herself in James's room surrounded by him, Sirius and Remus. They were playing a board game which Lily didn't understand completely, but it seemed that the rules were set up during the game by Sirius, of course.

Lily couldn't help looking at James from time to time. He was sitting opposite to her; he seemed to be immersed in his playing cards and his face was as pale as a ghost's.

When Lily got up at eight o'clock, she had no idea if the thing that happened at night was real or just a dream. To all appearances, the whole kiss only happened in her head, because when she went down to the dining room for breakfast, James was just as cold and unconcerned as before. He greeted her and handed her the salt when she asked for it, but there was no evidence of the things they experienced the night before.

However, Lily had a strong feeling that it wasn't only her imagination. It was too vivid; she could feel everything not only with her skin, but her brain, her _heart_. All in all, she was as confused as the fly that tried to break out on the window glass over her head.

"Lily", Remus turned to her. "Lily, it's your turn."  
Lily glanced at him. She didn't notice she was staring at the board for minutes. She took the dice from Remus and threw it away. It was a six.  
"That's not fair", Sirius whined. If it wasn't too childish for four seventeen years old (or almost seventeen years old) teenagers to sit around such a lame board game, Sirius made it worse with his habit of not being able to stand if someone was better than him. "Fine, move your bloody piece. But you'll get punishment!"  
"Punishment?", Lily asked outraged. She wasn't so oafish anymore. "For being lucky?"  
"Oh no, it wasn't luck!", Sirius narrowed his eyes. "The dice is loaded. You did something with your _very good_ wand! You said it was good for charm work!"  
"Padfoot", Remus looked at him perplexed.  
"Are you crazy?" Lily bent over the board. "I wasn't even paying attention, you pumpkin-head!"  
Sirius seemed to be determined. He pouted offended. Lily knew it was only the drama-part of it, but it still made her angry.  
"Punishment, I say", he declared. "You have to tell us your biggest secret."

Lily blushed immediately. James looked up from his cards and stared at her. The first thing that came into her mind was that kiss. The night she could never ever forget while she exists.

Of course, she had no intention of telling them about it, it was none of their business, it was something that belonged only to her and James. But at the time she wanted to tell Sirius that she didn't want to continue that stupid game and that she should have rather had gone to the market with Mr. Potter, piercing scream could be heard from downstairs.

All four of them became petrified for the split of a second. When they regained their consciousness, they threw the cards away and jumped to their feet. The first one to open the door and rush down the stairs was Sirius. He was followed by James and Remus - Lily was the last one.

"Mum!"  
Lily couldn't see from the stairs why James shouted so desperately. She ran next to a horrified Remus and Sirius.

Mrs. Potter was standing in the middle of the living room. Tall, hooded figure bent over her. Lily knew what it was before she could have examined the decayed looking skin on its hands. It was a Dementor and it was about to kiss Mrs. Potter. There were three of the monsters; the other two were floating over the porch.

Lily saw Remus and Sirius's faces to grow sadder and sadder. James pulled out his wand. His hand was shaking and there was sweat all over his face. Lily felt the cold, distressing, disappointing feeling that came from those monsters. Her ears were ringing but she stepped next to James and took out her own wand.

"_Expecto_…" James tried to say the proper words but his voice was shaking. He looked like he would faint in a minute.  
Lily looked at him and thought about their kiss. She was absolutely sure that was her most beautiful memory - much more beautiful than the first time their lips touched - even if it had been a dream. She closed her eyes and said very clearly:  
"_Expecto Patronum!_"  
She knew she managed to summon her Patronus before she looked at it. But when she did, she saw a wonderful, bright creature. She didn't recognize what kind of animal it was at first.  
"_Expecto Patronum!_", she heard from next to her.  
Lily looked at James. No matter how pale he was or how bad shape he seemed to be in, he was looking into the emerald green eyes kindly.

Loud gasp aroused their attention. Mrs. Potter was crouching on the floor; she pushed her hands tightly on her mouth. The Dementors disappeared and the two Patronuses cantered back to them. They were two noble, proud wild animals - the doe and the stag stood next to each other just like their casters. Lily couldn't get enough of the sight.

"How touching."  
The two Patronuses vanished at the moment Lily heard the slow, sarcastic applause. The young, blonde man that captured Lily in the basement of the Black house stood in front the door. Bellatrix was standing behind him, It seemed only the two of them came.  
"A doe and a stag", the man continued. "Isn't it just cute, Bella?"  
"You're right, Lucius", she giggled. "Such a salvation for them to die together."  
"To die?" The voice came from Sirius. He stepped forward. "You're daydreaming again, Bellatrix."  
Bellatrix snarled at him like a beast.

Mrs. Potter stood up.  
"Get out of my house!", she shouted and pointed her wand at the two Death Eaters.  
Lucius fell to the floor, but Bellatrix could fend the curse off. She shrieked inarticulately and moved to James.  
"_Crucio!_"  
James bawled and fell to his knees. Lucius stupefied Mrs. Potter and attacked Sirius and Remus.

Lily was furious and she couldn't control her emotions. She completely forgot she was a witch and that she was holding her wand - she rushed to Bellatrix and pushed her to the floor. James stopped bellowing, but Lily didn't care, she rolled over Bellatrix and punched her in the face. The dark witch's lips and nose started bleeding. She looked at Lily terrified. Lily punched her again and again and said:  
"Don't you. Dare. Hurt. Him. Again!"  
"Lily! Stop!" Remus caught her arm and pulled her off of Bellatrix. "You're killing her."  
It wasn't entirely true, though Bellatrix was already unconscious.  
"I don't care!", Lily screamed. "She's not going to hurt him anymore!"  
"No, she's not", Sirius said from behind. There were four unconscious people on the floor: Mrs. Potter, Lucius, Bellatrix and James. Sirius gulped as he looked up at them from next to James. He was heaving and fear reflected in his eyes. "But we have a bigger problem."

Lily felt dizzy as she glanced at James. It wasn't the sweat and the paleness that attracted her attention, but the pool of blood around him.


	25. Even if it hurts

**Even if it hurts**

Lily couldn't move from the shock.  
"We have to take him to St. Mungo's immediately!", she heard Remus's voice.  
"Shouldn't we stop the bleeding somehow first?", Sirius asked. His voice was trembling.

"He's still alive, is he?"  
Lily turned around to see where the voice only she could hear came from. Sirius and Remus were still arguing next to James.

Lily was flabbergasted and she opened her mouth involuntarily. There was a black shoulder-length haired, pale skinned, crooked nosed boy standing on the porch. He had his wand in his hand and he was shaking heavily. He couldn't take his eyes off the unconscious, bleeding body.

"Severus", Lily whispered.  
Sirius looked to the direction of the boy. He stood up. Remus noticed Severus, as well, but he was too busy reviving James.  
"You…", said Sirius quietly. Severus looked at him. Sirius stepped forward. "You did this. YOU DID THIS!"

Lily couldn't have stopped him even if she had wanted to. Sirius rushed to Severus and pushed him to the wall. Lily felt so angry; she would have liked to do the same, but instead, she crouched down to James and Remus. He looked back at the two boys.

Sirius pulled out his wand and pushed it against Severus's throat while holding his neck. Severus's legs couldn't reach the ground.  
"Did _you_ curse him?!", Sirius bellowed. "Did _you_ make my best friend lying there, unconscious?!"  
James opened his eyes. He didn't seem like he knew what was happening around him, but Lily stroked his face. "It's okay, everything will be okay", Lily told him, while Remus was trying to stop the bleeding on James's stomach. It has no use, he was still bleeding heavily.  
"Remus, we'll have to Apparate him to St. Mungo's.", she told him.  
"I know!", he replied nervously. "That's what I said a few minutes ago!"

"ANSWER ME!", Sirius yelled. Severus's face turned to purple. He blinked and Sirius took this as a yes. "YOU SON OF A BITCH!"  
Lily thought Sirius would kill him with one single move of his wand. But he released Severus only to punch him in the face. There was a loud crack and blood flowed from Severus's nose.

"Come, Sirius", Lily told him. "Help us getting him to the hospital."  
Sirius was still shaking and heaving with anger. He looked at the three of them and left Severus sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall next to the door.  
"Come on, mate", he mumbled to James. "We have to make you stand up."  
Sirius and Remus reached under James's back and pulled him up slowly. Quiet groan gushed out from his throat and he winced from the pain.  
"We're sorry", Remus told him almost whispering. He was frightened.  
Lily was examining James while they tried to hold him on his feet; every little movement hurt her even if she couldn't imagine what James would have felt in that moment. It was terrifying to see him so broken, so unprotected, so weak, so helpless.

She had to act as soon as James stood on his feet, though it seemed only Remus and Sirius could prevent him from collapsing. Lily grabbed his and Remus's hands and Sirius put his hand onto her shoulder. She tried not to think about how ice cold James's hand was while she closed her eyes and Apparated themselves to St. Mungo's.

James was taken to the fourth floor to the Spell Damage Ward immediately. The Healers didn't let Lily, Remus and Sirius to be in the room while they were healing him. One of the Healers scolded them, saying he would like to talk to them later.

"Would you stay here, Moony?", Sirius asked his best friend.  
Remus was as pale as a ghost and he was staring at the door James was behind. He looked like he would vomit in no time.  
"Sure", he moaned.  
"Are you well enough to come back?", Sirius turned to Lily.  
She was still a bit shocked but anxious relief started to overcome her. James was in good hands.  
"I am", she replied.

Sirius took her hand and they Disapparated.  
Just as Lily assumed, Severus wasn't there already, as well as Lucius and Bellatrix. She didn't mind it; she was sick of the thought of Severus. He wanted to kill James. For the first time in her life, she really wanted someone to rot in hell and wouldn't have even cared if Severus died from the curse he cast on James.

"_Rennervate_."  
Mrs. Potter opened her eyes and sat up at once.  
"Where are they?", she asked scared as she noticed Lily and Sirius. "Where are James and Remus?"  
"Please, calm down", Sirius kneeled down next to her. He looked her in the eye. "I'll tell you everything, but please, don't be afraid. Everything is going to be all right."  
Lily never heard Sirius talking to anyone like this. She was just standing there, looking at him as he explained the situation to Mrs. Potter who turned more and more upset. In contrast, Sirius stayed sober so as not to make her more nervous, though Lily saw how uneasy he himself was. He was worried for James like never before. Lily felt a huge respect for him.

Twenty minutes later they were at the hospital again. They left a note to Mr. Potter to go to St. Mungo's at the time he got home. But before they left, they restored the Protective Enchantments the Death Eaters managed to break. Mrs. Potter said she would have to ask Dumbledore to reinforce the protection on the house and she suggested Remus telling his parents to do so as well.

Since they didn't know what to do while waiting for the Healers to let them into James's room, Lily, Remus and Sirius went up to the fifth floor to the Tearoom. They told one of the Healers they didn't know what kind of curse caused the bleeding, but they didn't tell them the circumstances.

Lily was holding a mug full of hot tea, but she wasn't thirsty nor cold. She was worried and afraid of what might have happened to James's internal organs if he was bleeding so much. Remus and Sirius were sitting around her, silently drinking their own teas.

After about ten minutes of silence, Sirius spoke:  
"Thanks for knocking out my cousin."  
Lily looked up at him and recalled the memory. She was still angry as she thought about Bellatrix. She was her sworn enemy from that moment when she cast the Cruciatus Curse on James.  
"No problem", Lily replied on a hoarse voice. "It was a pleasure."  
"You know", Sirius started, staring at the surface of the tea in his mug "I kind of start to believe you're not that whiny, hysterical girl I thought you were, even if it almost physically hurts to admit."  
Lily remembered when Sirius comforted her after the Isabella-case. She was definitely whiny and she was ashamed of it. But this thing Sirius just told her counted as a compliment.  
"It was about time", Remus replied instead of Lily. He was smiling faintly and Lily and Sirius smiled at each other, too.


	26. St Mungo's Hospital for Hidden Truths

**St. Mungo's Hospital for Hidden Truths**

"You can go and visit him."  
Lily lifted up her head at the moment she heard Mr. Potter's voice. He was standing behind her and had a very worn-out look on his face.

Lily, Remus and Sirius stood up and wanted to go down to James's room, but Mr. Potter stopped them. He placed his hands on Sirius and Remus's shoulders as they stood on the two sides of Lily.  
"Thank you for protecting my family", he said. "If I just knew that this could happen, I would have never gone anywhere."  
"We didn't protect them", Sirius replied with a bitter tone in his voice. "James was severely injured."  
"It could have been worse", Mr. Potter pointed out.  
"Either way, there's no need to thank us", said Sirius and crawled out of Mr. Potter's hands.

Lily didn't understand why Sirius was so surly to Mr. Potter, but she preferred not to ask him. She didn't want to have an unpleasant argument with him. As they were heading to James's room, they encountered Mrs. Potter on the corridor. She cried - they could see the dry teardrops on her cheeks.

Sirius opened the door and they stepped into the room. James smiled at them softly. He seemed a bit faint.  
"You scared us so much!", Remus spat at him and rushed to his bed. He took his best friend's arm and grabbed it to let him know how worried he was. He released James's arm and sat down to the little chair next to him.  
"Are you all right, Prongs?" Sirius looked down at him.  
James smiled at him and nodded.

Lily was the last to approach James. She sat on his right side, simply reached out her arm and grabbed James's hand. They entwined their fingers. James's grip wasn't strong yet.  
"How are you feeling?", Lily asked.  
James sighed and twitched his face.  
"Better than you'd think", he replied. "Though, my stomach hurts like hell."  
"I believe that", said Remus. "I've never seen so much blood in my life and I don't even want to again."  
"But I have no idea of what happened to me", James looked at Sirius. "The Healers said there was a huge wound on my torso. I can't remember anyone doing this to me."  
Lily glanced at Sirius. She saw he didn't really want to tell James about Severus, but James said:  
"I know you're hiding something."  
"I didn't even say anything", Sirius raised his eyebrows.  
"You didn't, but Lily can't hide her feelings."  
"I _can_ hide my feelings!", Lily spat at him.  
"Fine", Sirius stopped the quarrel. "You've been cursed. Snape, that bastard - he did this to you."  
"Snape?", James shouted surprised and he wanted to sit up, but as soon as he tried he turned pale and sank back to the cushions. "He wasn't even there!"  
"He was, actually", said Remus. "He stood on the porch."  
"Merlin, I've never thought that little cockroach really wanted to kill me", James shook his head with a mild frown on his face.  
"What? Is that all?", Sirius blinked at him astonished.  
"That's what you say?", Lily bent forward. She couldn't believe what he said.  
"What?", James looked at them. "Should I rampage and swear that I will kill him in return?"  
"Yes", Lily and Sirius replied in the same time.  
"No", said Remus. "But it's a serious matter, James. He really could have killed you. You shouldn't ignore this."  
"All right", James rolled his eyes. "Then I'll cast an Ear-shrivelling Curse on him next time we go hunting for Death Eaters again."

Silence fell between them. James looked like he regretted that sentence. Lily narrowed her eyes suspiciously. Even if she hadn't attributed great importance to what James said, Sirius would have made it clear that something was wrong.  
"O-oh", Sirius mumbled.  
"You go where?", Lily asked quietly.  
"Well, errr, nowhere", James replied, scratching the back of his head.  
"You can't lie to me anymore!" Lily turned to Remus and Sirius. "It is in connection with the thing you were talking about on the trip, isn't it?"  
"Actually, we weren't lying", Sirius answered. "We just didn't tell you about something."  
"You told me you'd tell me!", Lily went on, ignoring him.  
"We've been fighting Death Eaters at night, okay?", Remus said.  
"Moony!", Sirius shouted at him indignantly.  
"Remus!", James frowned at him with reproach in his eyes.  
"We really can't keep it as a secret anymore!", Remus tried to defend himself. "Don't you trust her? She's been with us for so long and she did nothing we should be mistrustful to her of. I can't see the point of acting as if we did nothing."

Lily snapped her fingers and looked at Remus with satisfaction.  
"Thank you very much! So, would you tell me why have you been making so much trouble and what you didn't want to tell me on the trip?"  
Sirius shrugged and sat back with his hands on the back of his head. He seemed to feel offended. He didn't want to talk about this matter anymore.  
"Because they are killing innocent people, that's why we've been making so much trouble", James replied.  
"It's going to end up in a war if we don't act fast, Lily", Remus approved.  
"You want to tell me you joined the Order of the Phoenix or what you were talking about a few months ago?", Lily raised her eyebrows.  
"We didn't join the Order yet", James replied. "But we will. In a few days' time."  
"Because that's when you'll be seventeen", Lily nodded towards Remus and him.  
"Yeah", said James. "We just couldn't sit and wait for our birthdays so we took action on our own."  
"That's why you have a bloody wound on your back now.", Sirius grumbled, looking at James with piercing eyes. "And that's why Bellatrix and Blondie or who decided to assassinate us."  
Lily frowned at him and then turned to James.  
"What kind of wound?", she asked.  
"The thing we didn't want to tell you about on the trip", James sighed. "It's nothing, really."  
"You were hallucinating, mate!", Sirius bent forward angrily. "You had fever for about two days!"  
"What. Kind. Of. Wound?", Lily asked again, raising her voice.  
"We don't know", Remus replied. "He got it from a Death Eater, named Yaxley. The curse was unfamiliar for us."  
"Merlin's beard, James!", Lily spat at him. "Are you guys insane? That's not an ordinary wound you could just ignore! If it was caused by a curse, then it's far more dangerous!"  
"It's all right", James glanced at her. "The Healers saw it. They did something to it and said it's going to be healed. Maybe there'll be a scar, but I don't have to worry about it. And you shouldn't, either."  
"Bullsh-", Sirius started, but the door opened and a Healer stepped in.  
"You need to leave now", the man told them, looking at them strictly.  
"Get well soon", Remus stood up and pat James's shoulder.  
"Thanks, Moony", he smiled at him.  
"Try not to get killed, okay?", Sirius turned to James before he went out of the room. His voice was serious but he grinned at his friend.  
"I'll be on it" James grinned back.

The boys left with the Healer. Lily stood up and she noticed she was still holding James's hand. She forgot about it while they were talking. It was so natural. James didn't even want to let her pulling out her fingers of his grip.  
"Lily?", he looked up at her.  
"Yes?", she asked. Her heart was beating very fast, though she didn't completely understand why she had been so excited around him recently.  
"Are you mad at me?"  
"No", she shook her head and glanced at her shoes sadly. "It's just… I thought you might trust me enough to tell me what was going on."  
"I do trust you!", James tightened his clench. "Look at me, Lily." She lifted up her head. "I trust you just as much as I trust Sirius and Remus. I didn't want you to get involved to this matter. I know you; you would have liked to help us fighting the Death Eaters."  
"And what's wrong about that?", Lily asked a bit resentfully.  
"Nothing, but I'd feel awful if _you_ were lying here, unable to do anything but looking at the ceiling. Listen carefully now. I don't want you to get into any kind of trouble because of us. Can you accept it?"  
"More or less", Lily replied. "But _you_ listen to me now. I'm going to join the Order of the Phoenix when I have to. If it really turns into a war, then it won't be only your business. It'll be every wizard's and witch's business and I'm not going to hide and wait for peace to come."  
Wide smile appeared on James's face.  
"I thought it'd worth a try, even though I suspected you'll answer something like this.", he said. "But I don't mind it. This is what makes you the Lily Evans you are."  
"Exactly.", Lily smiled back.

"Miss, you have to leave!", said the Healer, who returned.  
"Take care", Lily turned to James again.  
"You too", he said. "And take care of Sirius, too. I'm not worried about Remus, he's cool-headed enough."  
"I'll try."  
Lily bent down and kissed James's forehead. She could feel the heat of his hand even after she stepped out of St. Mungo's.


	27. I would never hurt you

**I would never hurt you**

Lily decided to start practicing for the forthcoming exams as soon as she got back to school. She kept the promise she made for herself, and so she reread her textbooks.

On Tuesday, she was on her way to lunch, just after she had received James's letter from St. Mungo's. He wrote he was going back to Hogwarts the next day, so Lily was in a very merry mood. She intended to share the source of her joy with Sirius and Remus too, because Sirius had been upset for those three days since school started, as James wasn't there to practice for their match against Hufflepuff; and Remus was worried about his friend. Everyone seemed to be so sad and down around her at school that day, but she felt happy.

But before she could turn left on one of the corridors with a wide smile on her face, someone called her name:  
"Lily!"  
She looked around, but no one seemed to be waiting for her. And then, behind a giant stone column, she caught the sight of the black haired, pale Slytherin boy she didn't want to see at all.

Lily gave Severus a scornful glance and continued on her way to the Great Hall, feeling the joy flying away from her chest.  
"Lily, we need to talk."  
She turned on her heels. The boy was looking down at her. He could have seen the anger and hatred in Lily's eyes, because he took a step back.  
"I don't think we have anything to talk about", she hissed.  
"We do", said Severus. "You have to know this."  
Lily frowned, but she followed Severus to the stone column he'd been hiding behind. She crossed her arms and leant against the wall.  
"I'm waiting", she barked.  
Severus took a deep breath and said:  
"I didn't curse Potter intentionally."

Lily burst out into an unhappy laughter.  
"Oh, so you didn't?", she looked at Severus, shaking her head. "Then your wand accidentally cast a curse, I assume?"  
"No, it didn't", Severus replied. He blushed and he seemed embarrassed. "It wasn't him I wanted to curse."  
"Was it Sirius then?", Lily was blinking at him pretending she was impressed by his confession. "Or Remus? Or me, perhaps?"  
"I would never hurt you, you know that.", Severus said. His glance was as cold as ice.  
"Yeah, that's what you said before", Lily looked him in the eye. "But you still hurt me. Not physically, but emotionally."  
"I said I was sorry about that thing."  
Lily appreciated Severus didn't say the word 'mudblood' again, but he couldn't make this matter up this way.  
"I wanted to curse Lucius."  
"What did you say?", Lily's eyes became round in surprise.  
"He pretended to be unconscious, but he wasn't." Severus explained. "He wanted to kill you, Lily. He was about to cast the Killing curse on you and I was so angry that I acted without thinking through what might happen if I pointed my wand at the three of you. Lucius was frightened when he saw what happened to Potter and he lost his momentum and I could stupefy him. I didn't even want to go there. I was ordered to."  
Lily couldn't say a thing. She thought about everything but this. Though, she couldn't be sure about what Severus told her.

"Do you expect me to believe you?", she asked quietly.  
"Yes", Severus nodded. "Every word of it is true, you can make me drink Veritaserum if you want to, but that's what I'm going to tell you. I'm not a cold-blooded killer, Lily."  
"But you're a Death Eater", Lily raised her eyebrows. "You don't deny it, do you?"  
"I don't. Not in front of you."  
Severus looked at her begging. Lily didn't know where from, but she knew he didn't lie to her. It was true - Severus wanted to protect her.  
"Well, thanks, I guess", she shrugged. "For saving my life. Though, James was still severely injured because of you."  
"I know. But what do you want from me? Saying I'm sorry that he's not behind you all the time and that I can speak to you in private? Because I'm not."  
Lily sighed and said: "Then, we're done, I guess. I have to go; I've got some important business. You know, James is returning tomorrow."  
Severus grimaced involuntarily.

Lily wanted to leave him, but Severus caught the edge of her robe.  
"Wait, I have to tell you something else that might concern you", he said.  
"What's that?", Lily rolled her eyes. She really didn't want to talk to him any longer.  
"A wizarding family had been rebelling against the Dark Lord recently."  
"Good for them. I support their activity, but why do I have to know about this?", Lily asked perplexed.  
"Let me finish", Severus said. "It was a half-blood family and one of their daughters attended Hogwarts. I thought you should know that… Isabella Slinkhard died yesterday."


	28. Mixed feelings

**Mixed feelings**

The day when James came back was horrible.

Lily's feelings were totally ambivalent: she was happy that James recovered but at the same time, she was mourning Isabella's death and she had a huge remorse for what she had done in the near past. She knew Isabella's death wasn't her fault, but it still felt bad. She shouldn't have had that quarrel with her and then she could have just felt the natural sadness. But it was different now.

Her stomach was as little as a pebble when she was waiting for James's appearance in the Common Room. Sirius, Remus and Peter were sitting around her, all of them were rapt. It was nine o'clock, there were some students in the Common Room, hovering about. They were talking silently, as if they could have woken up the sleeping Isabella with their voices.

The portrait of the Fat Lady opened up ten minutes later. James stepped in and Lily stood up immediately. She wanted to hug him, but it didn't feel right, so she was just standing in front of him. The boys noticed James, too. James had a wide smile and a bit perplexed expression on his face.

"Hey", he greeted his friends when he went closer to them. He said hello to some other students.  
"Hey", Lily, Remus, Sirius and Peter greeted back on a low tone.  
James frowned and his smile faded a bit.  
"What's wrong?", he asked. "I'm back and no party, no balloons, no confetti. You look like someone died."  
Lily averted her eyes, while Sirius said:  
"Mate, don't joke about that."  
"Why?", James shrugged. "Seriously, guys, what's up?"  
"You should sit down", said Remus.  
"I'm not sitting down!", James spat at him.  
"Yes, you do!", Lily grumbled and pushed him into the armchair.

James was blinking at her indignantly. Lily glanced at Sirius and sat down next to him on the couch. They discussed who would tell James about the terrible case and they decided it would be Sirius. He was the strongest of them all.  
"James, listen to me", Sirius started with a deep sigh. "I know it will be very hard for you and we'll understand whatever you're going to do."  
"Could you stop with the beating about the bush and just tell me what the bloody hell is going on?!", James leant forward.  
"Isabella died, James."  
Sirius's words froze in the air. They were floating above and around them without getting to James's mind. He didn't blink, didn't say anything. He was completely petrified in the armchair.  
"We're sorry", said Remus after five minutes of silence.  
"Would you like to stay alone?", Peter asked.  
Sirius gave him a reproaching glance, indicating that there are about fifteen more people around them.

James slowly lifted up his shaking hand and pushed them on his face. Lily had seen this movement before - during the commemoration. It was Sirius who did the same, though Lily suspected it wasn't only because of Isabella. It was because he also realized how their future looks like: fighting Death Eaters, protecting loved ones and still losing the brave ones. Lily knew it would be like this. Even with Dumbledore's help and leadership it was something much bigger and more powerful than them.

Lily pulled herself back to the present. They should have had to deal with only one problem at once. And it was the beginning of James's suspected depression.  
"James, are you all right?", Lily asked, just to have the situation moved forward. It was very hard to sit there, watching James falling apart.  
He slowly lowered his hands and looked at Lily. He wasn't crying, but his face was tortured and it almost physically hurt Lily to look at him.

James opened his mouth, but in the end he didn't say anything. He stood up and went towards the boys' dormitories. He disappeared behind the door in a second.  
Lily stood up, too. She wished the boys good night and went up to the girls' dormitories. She was exhausted - not physically, but mentally. She knew she would be tossing and turning in her bed for a while, but she took a shower and went to bed.

She was already asleep when Mary appeared in the bedroom three hours later. She stepped to Lily's bed and started waken her.  
"Lily", she whispered. "Lily, wake up."  
Lily opened her eyes and she felt something very bad happened.  
"What's that?", she asked and sat up in her bed frightened. "Is everyone all right?"  
"It's okay", Mary tried to calm her. "Nothing happened. Potter wants to talk to you."  
"Talk?", Lily asked back. "Why? Now?"  
"Yes, but I don't know what he wants. Though, he's quite upset."

Lily jumped out of her bed. She had no intention of showing her little duck patterned nightgown to James, so she put on her negligee and opened the door. James was standing at the bottom of the stairs. It seemed like he tried to go upstairs, but the stairs turned into a slide just like how it always does when a boy tries to step on them. James's pyjamas were creased and he was comfortingly rubbing his waist. He did look upset indeed: he seemed excited, sad and tired at the same time.

Lily stopped on the third stair.  
"I thought you knew it would turn into a slide", she said.  
James stepped closer. His hazel eyes were shining like two gemstones.  
"Lily, I need to talk to you."  
"I know", she replied. "That's why you asked Mary to pull me out of my bed. Can't you wait until I sleep myself out? James, what's…-"  
But Lily couldn't finish what she wanted to say, because James shouted commanding:  
"You need to marry me!"


	29. If you're in love

**If you're in love, then you are the lucky one**

Lily froze. Her thoughts fell out of her head, she couldn't think of anything but one word:  
"What?"  
"You need to marry me", James repeated, on a bit less commanding tone.  
Lily still didn't know what to say, so she said the first thing that came to her mind:  
"No."  
"No?", James asked. He looked frightened.  
"I mean…", Lily started out with a deep sigh. "Why do you want me to marry you in the middle of the night?"  
"Because… I was thinking."  
"Horrible thing, really, especially if it leads to asking people to marry you", Lily replied automatically. She didn't mean to be so rude, but sometimes she couldn't help it.

James went to the couch with big footsteps. Lily followed him. James sat down and pulled Lily's arm closer to him, so she also had to sit down.  
"I was thinking about this whole thing.", James said. "This is war. Nobody's safe. Isabella was half-blood, you're…"  
"A mudblood", Lily nodded and James gave her an angry glance. He didn't like when she called herself a mudblood.  
"Yes, you're _muggle-born_", he emphasized. "See? Even those who aren't muggle-born are in danger. Then what do we expect? That Voldemort won't kill the rebels even if they're pure-blood? Maybe I'm the next. Or Sirius, Remus, or… or you."  
"And it proves what?", Lily inquired.  
"And it proves that we have to get married." James said. "We have no time to waste."  
"Yeah, we have no time to waste for this conversation", Lily said and stood up.

"Wait, what?", James stood up, too. "What do you mean? Lily, I thought that… I thought that night meant something for you!"  
Lily blushed immediately. She felt quite embarrassed.  
"What are you talking about?", she asked quietly, but she knew what James was talking about. She just wanted to hear him saying it wasn't a dream. James scratched the back of his head, ruffling up his hair. Lily saw he wanted to explain it away, so she said: "There's no point in lying to me, James. You just proposed to me. I guess the least you owe me with is honesty."  
"Fine", James lowered his arm. "I wanted you to think it was a dream when I went to your room that night. I wanted to give you the chance of deciding if you want something more or not."  
"F-fair enough", Lily stuttered with her face as red as a tomato.

James stepped so close to her, she had to lift up her head if she wanted to look him in the eye. James took her hands and held them tightly. Lily looked at their fingers. They fit together very well.  
"Have you decided yet?", James asked.  
Lily looked up at him. She could see the dark shadows under his hazel eyes which she could finally see without the glasses. Of course, they were a part of James's personality and looks, but it was a shame to cover those eyes with lenses. They were like hot chocolate after coming indoors from the blizzard.  
"I have", she replied. The blush slowly melted down from her face. "But you can't just rush at me and demand to marry you."  
James smiled at her.  
"I know I messed up", he said. "But I was so desperate. This whole thing scared me."  
"It scared me, too", Lily replied. "And I know how you feel. Just give me some time. Not for changing my mind, but to hope for a better future. If we got married right now, that would be like there's no tomorrow and that we have to live fast. I want to live slowly."  
"Me too", James said, still smiling. "With you."  
"With you", Lily nodded and she smiled, too. "You know what? Ask me again a year from now. With a ring. On your knees. Flowers aren't necessary, but they improve your chances."  
James burst into laughter, shook his head and kissed Lily on the forehead.

It was strange to sit on the bench in the Gryffindor stand and watch the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff teams playing only a few days after the news of Isabella's death. As if everyone wanted things to go back to normal. Lily didn't understand how they could turn a blind eye to the matter and pretend life was only about Quidditch matches and Potions homework.  
Of course, it wouldn't have been good if everyone had been sad and gloomy, but Lily couldn't help thinking about what James told her the other night. What if the Death Eaters are chasing him and Sirius and Remus? They tried to kill some of those horrible people, after all. Lily didn't even want to think about it.

Yes, it was something much bigger than school and emotional roller coasters. Something unpredictable, dark and mysterious. Something neither Lily Evans nor James Potter knew would lead to their son suffering from the loss of his parents and the weight of saving the wizarding world lying on his shoulders.

The only thing they knew was that something new would begin for them. Their love stepped out of the shadows, into the light. It was clear - James loved Lily and vice versa. It was more than a teenage romance. When Lily realized she loved James, she didn't only dedicate her heart to him, but they had a common goal. They knew the last enemy that should be destroyed would be death.

**_THE END_**


End file.
